David Bruce: Sex Anecdotes

• People in wheelchairs have sex, too. Julie Fernandez, who played Brenda in the British TV series The Office, is in a wheelchair as a result of being born with very brittle bones. As a young teenager, she thought often about sex and wondered if her disability would ever allow her to have sex—perhaps sex for her would result in broken bones. Eventually, she found a boyfriend and they did have sex together—frequently and with passion. She says, “The first time was painful, but I needn’t have worried about breaking anything. From that moment on we were always bunking off for nookie. We used to sneak back to his house and be at it like rabbits. For me it was a whole new adventure.” Her acting skills came in handy during this youthful affair, which was carried on while she was at Treloar’s, which she identifies as “a specialist boarding school in Hampshire for pupils with physical disabilities.” The staff there kept an eye on the residents, especially when young males and young females spent time together, and one day while Julie and her boyfriend were having sex at Treloar’s, a knock sounded at the door. Julie says, “We went into panic overdrive.” She hurriedly dressed, while her naked boyfriend hid himself. She then hid his clothing and answered the door. The housemaster was showing a couple of guests around, and Julie acted so well that they never realized that a naked teenaged boy was hiding there.

• Some people really enjoy reading books about scandals in the lives of celebrities. One such book is Joan Collins: The Biography of an Icon by Graham Lord. In the book, Mr. Lord states that when Ms. Collins first went to Hollywood she slept with numerous men—so many, in fact, that she was referred to as the British Open. (One actress snarkily said, “Joan’s had more hands up her than the Muppets.”) At one time Ms. Collins supposedly had an affair with director and producer George Englund, but she cheated on him with a Dominican Republic dictator’s son, who bought her a diamond necklace—something that made Mr. Englund jealous. However, Ms. Collins found a way to both keep the necklace and to stop Mr. Englund from being jealous. She had a cheap copy of the necklace made, then to show Mr. Englund that she loved him and only him, she threw the cheap imitation necklace, which he thought was the valuable real necklace, into the Pacific Ocean.

• Near the end of filming the erotic thriller Deception, actor Ewan McGregor had to fake sexual intercourse with five different actresses, none of whom he had met before. This made him tense, but his co-star, Hugh Jackman (who played Wolverine in the X-Menmovies) made jokes. Mr. Jackman, who also co-produced the movie, says that one of the actresses telephoned him because she was worried that she was not in the movie anymore. Fortunately, her scene had simply been rescheduled to a later date. The actress said, “I just want you to know I’ll do anything, and I’m really flexible.’” Mr. Jackman told her that he knew that this was her first movie and it was important to her, but he jokes, “I don’t think she was talking about the scene!”

• Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho experimented with sex when he was a young man. He had been in mental hospitals, in part because his mother thought that he had sexual problems. This made him think that he might be gay, so he had gay sex three times. The first time that he had gay sex, he was nervous and he did not enjoy it. Thinking that perhaps being nervous had made him not enjoy the experience, he had gay sex a second time. This time he was not nervous, but he still did not enjoy the experience. “Third time lucky,” he thought, and so he tried gay sex again, and he still did not enjoy the experience, so he realized that he was not gay and started pursuing women.

• Gerard Butler has played a lot of macho roles, including that of King Leonides in the beefcake movie 300, which featured great abdominals. This has apparently inspired a lot of lust (or satire) in his fans, as shown by the names of the groups of his fans on Facebook: “Gerard Butler Is My Husband—He Just Doesn’t Know It Yet,” “Gerard Butler Can Impregnate By Touch Alone,” “Gerard Butler Can Make Even Physical Deformity Sexy” (he had the title role in Phantom of the Opera), “Please Have Your Way With My Naked Body, Gerard Butler,” and “Gerard, I Want to Touch Your Butler.”

• At one time, people believed that tenors should refrain from having sex before an important performance. After tenor Jean de Reszke retired from performing and began teaching voice, one of his students asked him his opinion about this belief. Mr. de Reszke replied, “Men ought to stop for two or three days before singing.” The student then asked about the women. Mr. de Reszke answered, “Well, at least they shouldn’t do it on stage.”

• Georges Simenon, creator of the detective Maigret, was a man of big statistics. For example, he wrote approximately 400 works of fiction and he sold over 500 million copies of his books. These facts are verifiable. What is not verifiable is his claim to have had sex with 10,000 women. His second wife did not believe that particular figure—she thought that he had had sex with “no more than 1,200” women.

• Art Linkletter is famous in part because of his interviews with children. For example, he asked an eight-year-old girl, “What is your secret wish?” She replied, “I want to be ten years old all my life.” When Mr. Linkletter asked her why, she said, “Because then I won’t have to know about the birds and the bees.”

• Humphrey Bogart could be cynical about such things as press photographers. Asked if a photographer from Lifemagazine could travel with him and his fiancée Lauren Bacall to the farm in Ohio where they would be married, Bogie replied, “Great. Maybe he’d like to photograph us f**king.”

• Groucho Marx was accused of being obsessed with sex. He replied, “It’s not an obsession — it’s a talent.”


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore: Retellings of Classic Literature, Anecdote Collections, Discussion Guides for Teachers of Literature, Collections of Good Deed Accounts, etc. Some eBooks are free.

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