April 21, 2019 – davidbruceblog #2

• Dominic Holden, a writer for the Seattle, Washington, newspaper The Stranger, used to work as a waiter. Four young Russians came into the restaurant where he worked and ordered something sweet and shots of room-temperature vodka. Mr. Holden happily served them their order, but trouble arose. The four young Russians had apparently drunk too much, and their table was covered with brown butcher paper on which a lit candle was sitting. The Russians used the candle to set on fire the brown butcher paper, and smoke began to fill the restaurant. Mr. Holden cheerily told them to put out the fire, and they obeyed, but soon they again set the paper on fire. This time, Mr. Holden ordered them more firmly to put out the fire. When the restaurant closed, the Russians paid their $75 tab and had only $1.52 in coins to leave as a tip. This tip was not satisfactory to Mr. Holden, who told them that they MUST leave a bigger tip. The Russians said that they had no more money, but Mr. Holden told them, “Go to the cash machine and get me a real tip.” How much is a real tip? On a $75 tab, at least $10. The Russians got the money and left a $10 tip, but the next morning they showed up at the restaurant and complained to the manager, who fired Mr. Holden, who says, “Fair of him to fire me, but I’d do it again.” Other Strangerstaff worked in food places. For example, writer Lindy West worked in the Backdoor Bakery, kind of. Actually, she worked a few hours for free as she auditioned for the job, which she did not stay around to get. The bosses put her on the orange juicer — for hours. Ms. West says, “The Backdoor Bakery went through many, many gallons of fresh-squeezed orange juice every day. Math fact: The number of oranges required to make one gallon of fresh-squeezed orange juice is eleventy grillion. Backdoor Bakery fact: All of those oranges were juiced BY HAND. SPECIFICALLY, MY F**KING HAND. There was an ‘electric’ juicer, but it only ‘worked’ if you leaned into it mightily at an arm-torquing angle. I juiced and juiced and juiced for hours. I sweated, I groaned, my limbs cramped.” Eventually, Ms. West found herself alone with an employee who whispered to her, “Get out. Run. Don’t work here. Run. Get OUT.” She did. Another Strangerwriter, David Schmader, served a regular customer who was known as “Total Bitch” — an affectionate nickname. In fact, she used the term when Mr. Schmader first served her. Mr. Schmader remembers that she said to him, without making eye contact, “I’m a total bitch. But I’m a stud tipper. Now bring me my sh*t.” Her sh*t was a plate of scrambled eggs and a coffee with five creams, and she expected to be served that every time she entered the restaurant without anyone asking her what she wanted. She worked as a bartender at a strip club, and after working her shift, all she wanted was her eggs and her coffee — no chitchat. Mr. Schmader says, “I loved her honesty. Serving her was an honor. Her bill always came to four dollars and some change. She always left a five-dollar tip.”

• The Hasidim loved Israel. Rabbi Velvele of Zbaraz moved to Eretz Israel, but money was hard to come by and so his wife became a washerwoman in order for her and her husband to avoid taking money from charity to live. Rabbi Yaakov Shimshon of Sheptivka came to visit and he saw the rabbi’s wife washing laundry in the yard. Believing that the rabbi’s wife would feel humiliated if she knew that he had seen her washing her laundry, he attempted to leave quietly without being seen. However, the rabbi’s wife saw him. She knew why he had attempted to leave before revealing his presence, so she said to him, “Do not be concerned, Rabbi. This is not my personal wash, but rather work that I undertake, and which ensures our livelihood. Thank God that we are able to live in Eretz Israeland to live off our manual labor.”

• When cartoon producer Leon Schlessinger asked Mel Blanc to create the voice of Porky Pig, Mr. Blanc asked for time to do some research. Mr. Schlessinger was surprised by the request, but agreed. Mr. Blanc drove out to a pig farm to study the pigs and listen to them grunt. However, he decided to turn the series of grunts into a stutter. He also decided to have Porky Pig attempt to say several words before saying a different word. He then drove to see Mr. Schlessinger and auditioned the voice: “Porky would say good-bye like this: ‘Bye-b — , uh-bye-b — , so lo — , uh-so-lon, auf Wiede — , auf Wiede — , Toodle-loo.’” Mr. Schlessinger loved the voice and gave Mr. Blanc the job, but he also told him, “Go home and take a bath, will you?”

• When Jerry Lee Lewis was still a teenager, he performed for $15 a night, playing from 1 a.m. until dawn at an after-hours bar run by Roy Hall on Commerce Street in Nashville. Jerry Lee was the youngest person there, and patrons let him hold onto their watches and jewelry because they figured that because he was so young, police would not search him if they busted the bar. Sure enough, police busted the bar, and Jerry Lee, who had at least 15 wristwatches on his arms, was the only person who was not searched.

• On 10 July 2011 the British tabloid News of the Worldceased publication, the result of a scandal involving reporters illegally tapping telephones. As a result of the scandal, many businesses ceased advertising in News of the World. The final crossword puzzle in News of the Worldcontained a hidden message. The answers to four clues were these words: “TOMORROW WE ARE SACKED.”

• Three men worked together. Two of the men were clever, and the third man was a fool. When the two clever men disagreed, the fool cast the tie-breaking vote.

• “Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another.” — Anatole France

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