David Bruce: The Funniest People in Relationships — Friends, Gays and Lesbians


• Ernestine Schumann-Heink had a problem when she first met Maurice Grau of the Metropolitan Opera Company — she did not have clothing fine enough for such an important meeting with such an important man. Fortunately, Lillian Nordica came to the rescue and lent her a silk dress — with a train — that made the necessary statement: The person wearing this dress is a prima donna. Later, Ms. Schumann-Heink embarrassed Ms. Nordica by thanking her publicly for the loan.

• Albert Einstein was a friend to the Curie family, including both Marie and her daughter, Irène Joliot-Curie. One day, Mr. Einstein and Ms. Joliot-Curie were talking about particle tracks, as Ms. Joliot-Curie’s daughter, Hélène, drew near them. Soon, young Hélène showed Mr. Einstein the “particle tracks” she had drawn. Mr. Einstein looked at the drawing, then told Ms. Joliot-Curie, “If you don’t watch out, she’ll become a theoretical physicist!” Hélène did.

• Tenors Richard Tucker and Luciano Pavarotti were friends. After a performance by Mr. Tucker, Mr. Pavarotti called to congratulate him, saying, “I just can’t believe it. I had to call you. You’re still the top tenor in the world — a phenomenon.” Whenever Mr. Tucker left a dressing room that would next be occupied by Mr. Pavarotti, he used to write on the mirror this message: “Buona fortuna.”

• Madame Giulietta Grisi once decided to commit suicide, so she ran to a river so she could drown herself. Fortunately, a friend followed her and convinced her not to drown herself — making the argument that she would be disheveled, muddy, and unglamorous when her body was fished out of the river.

• Children’s picture book creator Ezra Jack Keats never had children of his own, but that was OK because his friends had children. Often, he would ask a friend, “Can I come and see how children climb out of a pillowcase?” or “I’m going to the zoo — can I borrow a child?”

• Stan Laurel always had a great respect for his friend Oliver Hardy’s talents as a comedian. Whenever Mr. Laurel watched one of the great comedy team’s movies, he laughed at Mr. Hardy’s antics, not at his own.

Gays and Lesbians

• Some lesbians have unusual coming-out stories. One lesbian told her abusive stepfather that she was a lesbian, and he immediately told her to get out of the house or he would give her a beating worse than the ones he had previously given her. Her straight siblings decided to take advantage of the situation to also get out of an abusive home — her straight brother immediately told their abusive stepfather that he was gay and a month later her straight sister told him that she was a lesbian. The lesbian adds, “My stepdad started to catch on, though, when my mother told him she was a lesbertarian.”

• Lesbian comedian Kate Clinton has a niece named Grace. One day, Grace and a friend were playing together, and Grace’s mother heard Grace say, “Let’s pretend we’re gay!” Her friend asked, “What’s gay?” Grace explained, “It’s when two girls get together, dance, and have fun.” While watching the March on Washington in 1993, Grace asked her mother, “Now tell me again, Mom, why do ungay people not like Aunt Kate?”


• Moravian soprano Maria Jeritza believed in causing a commotion and being talked about. When Beverly Sills was a child vocalist, she sang at a party where she met Ms. Jeritza, who presented her with a gold toothpick, saying, “You must become a character. You must make people talk about you. After we have all eaten, you pick your teeth with this gold toothpick, and you’ll see — everybody will be talking about you.”

• Diamond Jim Brady loved to eat. He once ate a box of chocolates that came from the small Boston firm of Page and Shaw. He loved the candy and ordered several hundred boxes for himself and as gifts for his friends. Unfortunately, the business was too small to handle such a large order. Therefore, Diamond Jim gave them an interest-free loan of $150,000 so they could expand their candy-making capacity.


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy The Paperback

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kindle

The Funniest People in Relationships — Apple

The Funniest People in Relationships — Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kobo

The Funniest People in Relationships — Smashwords: Many formats, Including PDF

Music Recommendation: Gretchen’s Wheel — “Walk Out”


Music: “Walk Out”


Artist: Gretchen’s Wheel  

Artist Location: Nashville, Tennessee

Record Company: Futureman Records

Record Company Location: Detroit, Michigan

Info: Bill Sammon, a fan, wrote, “A fine tribute album to one of my, and hopefully your, favorite songwriters. Just buy it. Favorite track: ‘Sick of Myself.’”

This is collection of various artists performing songs written by Matthew Sweet.

“Sidney Matthew Sweet (born October 6, 1964) is an American rock singer-songwriter and musician who was part of the burgeoning music scene in Athens, Georgia, during the 1980s before gaining commercial success in the 1990s as a solo artist.” — Wikipedia


“The Futureman finds and releases only the most vital and raw recordings from the field. He asks for no thanks or special notice. However, tip your hats or raise your glasses their way: Futureman Records, The Vanguard of the People.”

Price: $10 (USD) for 27-track album; tracks cannot be purchased separately

Genre: Singer-Songwriter




Futureman Records


Gretchen’s Wheel


Gretchen’s Wheel on YouTube


David Bruce: The Funniest People in Relationships — Fathers, Father’s Day, Food, Friends


• When Frank DeCaro, Jr., was born, his father did what he was supposed to and stayed in the hospital waiting room. However, although Frank, Jr., was born at 8 a.m., his father didn’t learn about it until five hours later because the physician forgot to tell him.

• When artist Louise Bourgeois was growing up, her father had a bad temper. At family dinners, her father always had a stack of cheap saucers by his side. That way, if he ever got angry, he could break a saucer instead of yelling at one of his children.

• The English can be reserved. After English contralto Kathleen Ferrier had made a major stir in the world of opera, Bruno Walter congratulated her elderly father on Ms. Ferrier’s success. Old Mr. Ferrier replied, “Yes, Kath’s not doing too badly.”

• When Groucho Marx got married for the third time, he sent his son this telegram: “If you’ve heard about this, please refund the price of this telegram. Love from us both.”

• When Jack Benny was young, his father gave him two gifts: a violin, in case he had any musical talent, and a monkey wrench, in case he didn’t have any musical talent.

• Isaac Newton’s father was illiterate. When he made out a will leaving his property, Woolsthorpe Manor, to his wife, he signed the will with an X.

Father’s Day

• Scaredy Kate is the pet cat of children’s book illustrator Dyanne DiSalvo-Ryan. One Father’s Day, Scaredy Kate gave birth to five kittens by the athletic shoes sitting in a corner of Dyanne’s husband’s closet. They named the five Father’s Day gifts Adidas, Converse, Etonic, Nike, and Reebok.


• When he was a child, the mother of young-adult book author Walter Dean Myers set up a tab for him at the local grocer’s — whenever young Walter was hungry, he could buy food and she would pay for it later. Walter, however, used the tab to buy chocolate, and soon all the neighborhood children knew that he could get “free” chocolate at the grocer’s. As you would expect, Walter ordered lots and lots of chocolate, and after his mother had spoken sharply to him and to the grocer, he didn’t have a tab anymore.

• Marilyn Hall’s mother-in-law once gave a dinner party for which the main course was a whole poached salmon. She instructed her new, foreign maid to bring in the salmon at a certain time “with a little parsley in the mouth.” The maid did as she was told, but the dinner guests were very surprised when she brought in the salmon — the maid had parsley in her mouth.

• Penn Jillette of Penn and Teller is still close to his old high-school teacher, Beverly C. Lucey. She remembers Penn and his friends sitting in the cafeteria eating their lunches — on the floor. This freaked out the vice principal, who wanted the students to sit in regular chairs at regular tables. Therefore, he ordered them to stand up. They did. Then he ordered them, “Sit down!” They did — back on the floor.

• Irwin Shaw’s son was raised in Paris and so was very sophisticated. After his first day in kindergarten, his nurse took him to a restaurant and asked what he wanted to order. He replied, “I’ll have a dozen oysters and a glass of white wine.”


• When children’s picture book creator Ezra Jack Keats was taking classes at the Art Students League, his best friend, Martin Pope, was taking science classes in college. Often, they would meet and have long discussions. Mr. Keats would walk Mr. Pope home, but since their discussion wasn’t finished, they would turn around and Mr. Pope would walk Mr. Keats home. Because their discussion still wasn’t finished, they would turn around again. Finally, they would say goodbye midway between their homes.

• A group of musical performers partied together, and guitarist Hermann Leeb said to composer Frank Martin, “What a pity that there isn’t any music that we could all play together!” The next morning, Mr. Martin called all the friends and asked them to come to his home. He had stayed up and written a piece for his friends and him to play together. “Berceuse” was written for piano four-hands, played by Madeleine Lipatti and Mr. Martin; guitar, played by Mr. Leeb; and voice, sung by the tenor Hugues Cuenod.


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy The Paperback

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kindle

The Funniest People in Relationships — Apple

The Funniest People in Relationships — Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kobo

The Funniest People in Relationships — Smashwords: Many formats, Including PDF

Music Recommendation: Steve White & The Protest Family — “Han Solo”


Music: “Han Solo”


Artist: Steve White & The Protest Family

Artist Location: UK


“[They] remind me of The Clash” – Basil Gabbidon (Steel Pulse)

“I love this band. Punk minstrels who chronicle our times with humour, passion and immense talent.” – Bob Oram, Morning Star

“Everybody please visit: Steve White & The Protest Family” – Tom Robinson

“Constructive political music” – Joe Solo  

Gareth Williams, a fan, wrote, “Lyrically on point. And actually as catchy as f***!
I can’t get Han Solo out of my head. ‘Who’s gonna tell Han Solo that no means no?’ Love this! (‘And don’t get me started on James Bond.’) Favorite track: ‘Han Solo.’”

“The media are lying to you. They’re telling you that the era of the protest song is over. They’re telling you that folk music is what Mumford & Sons do; cuddly, commodified, unchallenging and sanctioned by the Prime Minister, no less. 

“They are wrong. 

“Steve White & The Protest Family are East London’s favourite folk punk political sing-along band. We may not be safe enough for the major labels, but we’ve definitely got something to say, and we’re going to say it, with wit, a certain brash charm, guitars, banjos, mandolins and, dare we say it, moments of four-part harmony. Ours is a revolution that’ll have you tapping your foot and smiling from ear-to-ear. Thinking, too, if we have our way.”

Price: £5 (GBP) for five-track album; tracks cannot be purchased separately





Steve White & The Protest Family on Bandcamp


Steve White on YouTube


WWW Wednesday 28-Apr-2021 — HappymessHappiness

Welcome to another WWW Wednesday hosted by Sam from Taking On A World of Words.

As usual, just answer the three W questions:

What did you recently finish reading?

What are you currently reading?

What do you think you’ll read next?

Recently Finished Currently Reading Reading Next How was your reading week? Feel free to […]

WWW Wednesday 28-Apr-2021 — HappymessHappiness


By Charles Robert Lindholm

I’m jealous of the words I write knowing  

they’ll be touching you deep in your heart,

while we’re apart and I’m alone in the night without you  

Your eyes read the words,

“I Miss You” as they rise to your lips and kiss you

I long for your touch and […]