David Bruce: The Funniest People in Relationships — Fathers

Fathers

• H. Allen Smith’s father had many, many children. Whenever he wanted to read his newspaper, his numerous small children tearing around the house bothered him. Therefore, he invented a game to keep them quiet. One day he pulled a penny from his pocket, told his children to watch him, then he rubbed the coin on a rug until it shone like new. After that, whenever he wanted some peace and quiet, he would give each of his children a penny and tell them, “Go shine.”

• Aretha Franklin remained unspoiled despite becoming a rhythm and blues superstar with numerous Grammy Awards. She credits her father with ensuring that she did not become spoiled. At home, everyone in her family would be working — vacuuming, washing dishes, etc. — but young Aretha would sometimes stand around, doing nothing. Whenever this happened, her father would tell her, “See if you can find yourself around in that kitchen and introduce yourself to the trash.”

• When Shaquille O’Neal was 13 years old, he stood 6 feet, 6 inches tall and was growing so fast that new clothes became too small for him after only a few weeks. However, his size by itself did not make him a good basketball player. When Shaq was a high-school senior, his father criticized him, saying that he wasn’t playing hard enough. This criticism so motivated Shaq that in the very next game he scored 52 points.

• When Casey Stengel was a young man, he smashed an inside-the-park home run, but his shoelace came untied as he ran around the bases. The loose shoe made him run awkwardly, and he ended up staggering across home base. In the stands sat his fiancée, Edna Lawson, and her father. Proud of the home run, Ms. Lawson asked her father, “What do you think of my hero now, Pa?” Unimpressed with Casey’s base running, her father replied, “I just hope he lives till the wedding.”

• When Wayne Gretzky was two years old, his father, Walter, started training him to be a hockey star. After buying the smallest hockey stick he could find, he cut it down even more so that Wayne could use it. He even built a hockey rink — complete with lights! — in the backyard so that Wayne could practice, even at night. The practice paid off. Mr. Gretzky became perhaps the greatest hockey player ever.

• Comedian Tim Conway’s father pretended that he had very sharp vision. Occasionally while driving, he would say, “Wasn’t that a dime back there?” Then he would stop the car, and he and little Tim would get out, and sure enough, they would find a dime on the street. Not until he was an adult did Tim realize that his father had planted the dime on the street earlier just so he could “see” it later.

• The artist Bela Haas was wealthy, but tight with his money. Once a well-dressed man asked him for some money, saying that he knew that Mr. Haas was rich, but Mr. Haas replied, “My dear sir, I am indeed rich, but I’m not generous and I must tell you that as my money is the only thing I have to remember my late-lamented father by, I can never part with it.”

• While Groucho Marx’s son, Arthur, was in the Navy, Groucho visited him. Arthur helped him with the luggage, and with both his hands filled with luggage, he suddenly saw an admiral, who obviously expected to be saluted. Groucho came to the rescue. He saluted the admiral, then pointed to Arthur and explained, “He pays me to do his saluting for him.”

• The father of Sid Fleischman, author of the McBroom comedy series of children’s books, owned a taxicab. One day, he discovered that if he hit a pothole, the meter would jump ahead, thus increasing the fare the passenger had to pay. After making this discovery, he learned the location of every pothole in the city.

• Jay Leno’s father didn’t understand the importance of major celebrities maintaining some form of privacy. Whenever he learned that someone was a big fan of Jay, he would give the fan Jay’s private telephone number and say, “Call him up! He’d love to hear from you!”

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy The Paperback

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kindle

The Funniest People in Relationships — Apple

The Funniest People in Relationships — Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kobo

The Funniest People in Relationships — Smashwords: Many formats, Including PDF

Music Recommendation: Los Blue Marinos — “Big Mama”

BRUCE’S RECOMMENDATION OF BANDCAMP MUSIC

Music: “Big Mama”

Album: BIG MAMMA

Artist: Los Blue Marinos

Record Company: Roctopus Tea Party Records

Record Company Location: Toledo, Spain

Info: Kahuna Cole, a fan, writes, “Surf’s Up, and Big Mama’s serving it up overhead, glassy and hollow! Time to thread your figerblass rocket through the eye of greenroom!”

LOS BLUE MARINOS are: 
Sebastián Marino: Fender Jaguar 
Nacho: Fender JazzBass 
Fletán: Ludwig Downbeat

Price: €1 (EURO) for track; €5 (EURO) for five-track EP

Genre: Surf

Links:

BIG MAMA

https://roctopusrecords.bandcamp.com/album/los-blue-marinos-big-mamma

Roctopus Tea Party Records

https://roctopusrecords.bandcamp.com

Los Blue Marinos on YouTube

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCUjnwY0YbhuFkmN9lMWzq2A

Top 5 Tuesday – Graphic Novels — HappymessHappiness

Happy Tuesday, Homo sapiens! Welcome to another Top 5 Tuesday! Top 5 Tuesday was originally hosted by Shanah at Bionic Bookworm and now found its home with Meeghan at Meeghan Reads.

Graphic Novels

I have just recently started reading graphic novels so I don’t really have much to share. So I’m sharing the three I’ve […]

Top 5 Tuesday – Graphic Novels — HappymessHappiness

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Relationships — Fathers

Fathers

• Edward Jenner wanted to find a vaccine to prevent smallpox. He had learned that people who had contracted cowpox or swinepox were immune to the disease, so he decided to experiment to see if deliberately giving people the mild diseases of cowpox or swinepox would keep them from contracting the deadly disease of smallpox. He would have used himself as a guinea pig, but he had previously recovered from smallpox and so had acquired immunity. Therefore, he gave his own son swinepox, then later injected him with smallpox. The smallpox had no effect on his son. This experiment led to the adoption of vaccines to fight smallpox and saved an enormous number of lives.

• When children’s book author Lois Lowry was nine years old, she wanted a man’s woolen hunting shirt she frequently looked at in a shop window. Her father noticed that she wanted the shirt, and so he took her into the store to try it on. Of course, even the smallest size was much too large for her, but her father bought it for her anyway. In her autobiography, Looking Back: A Book of Memories, Ms. Lowry writes, “I wore it for years. I loved that shirt. I loved my father for buying it for me. I loved the entire world for being the kind of world where such a shirt, and such a father, existed.” She also recognizes that buying the shirt was practical — she never outgrew it.

• Emilio Diaz, the father of actress Cameron Diaz, was a true sports nut, and he taught his two daughters, Chimene and Cameron, to love sports, too. When he woke up on Sunday mornings when his daughters were young, even before he raised his head from his pillow, he would shout, “FOOTBAAALLLL.” He also teased his two daughters by telling them occasionally to go and play on the freeway. Of course, they understood that he was joking. Cameron and her parents have a good relationship, and she even decided to quit smoking to set a better example after her parents pointed out that they had seen her smoking in seven of her movies.

• Comic singer Anna Russell once did some nude modeling — artistic, not pornographic. (The photographer’s wife and female assistant were always present during the photo sessions.) Ms. Russell had a nice figure, although she did not care for her face so much — but then, the photographer did not take photographs of her face. One of the photographs appeared in a London newspaper, where her father saw it, but fortunately he did not recognize her. After looking at the photograph, her father remarked, “It’s amazing what people will stoop to for money.”

• Comedian Robert Klein’s father never ate vegetables because he thought salad was a dish fit only for cows. As a result, his bowel movements were infrequent. Once, when Robert was young, the urge suddenly came on his father, who dashed for the bathroom. Immediately, he yelled for Robert to bring him an umbrella. Robert did as he was told, and when he opened the door to the bathroom, he saw his father sitting on the throne, and above his father, hanging on a clothesline, were his mother’s dripping undergarments.

• One way for a man to become a feminist is to have a daughter who is a feminist. In 1854, Elizabeth Cady Stanton spoke to the legislature of New York about women’s rights, saying, “We ask no better laws than those you have made for yourselves … simply on the ground that the rights of every human being are the same and identical.” Before she gave her speech, she read it to her father, who was a respected jurist. At first, her father threatened to disinherit her, but eventually he helped her with the speech’s legal analysis.

• Once, when her father was visiting her, lesbian comedian Kate Clinton invited some of her friends over for dinner. She did establish one conversational rule ahead of time (for her own comfort) — no talk about gay sex. As the dinner progressed, she and her friends discussed such topics as gay politics and gay theory, and at the end of the dinner, she turned toward her father and asked, “What do you think we as gay people can do to make more bridges to straight people?” Her father paused, then answered, “Keep talking.”

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy The Paperback

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kindle

The Funniest People in Relationships — Apple

The Funniest People in Relationships — Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kobo

The Funniest People in Relationships — Smashwords: Many formats, Including PDF

Music Recommendation: Os Ambervisions — “Pinte-Me De Azul” [“Paint Me Blue”]

BRUCE’S RECOMMENDATION OF BANDCAMP MUSIC 

Music: “Pinte-Me De Azul” [“Paint Me Blue”]

Album: COLEÇÃO DE TEMAS INSTRUMENTAIS [INSTRUMENTAL THEMES COLLECTION]

Artist: Os Ambervisions

Record Company: ORANGOTANGO MUSiCK

Record Company Location: Brazil

Info: This is a collection of 20 instrumentals by 20 different artists.

“Collection of Instrumental Themes is a collection of Brazilian bands from the end of the 20th century and the beginning of the 21st century, in their own and “silent” interpretations. Some of these artists are no longer active, others still venture into the underground business.”

Price: Name Your Price (Includes FREE)

Genre: Instrumentals. Experimental. Alternative. Surf.

Links:

COLEÇÃO DE TEMAS INSTRUMENTAIS [INSTRUMENTAL THEMES COLLECTION]

https://orangotangomusick.bandcamp.com/releases

ORANGOTANGO MUSiCK on Bandcamp

https://orangotangomusick.bandcamp.com/releases

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Relationships — Education

Education

• Richard A. Watson, a professor of philosophy at Washington University, refuses to have a television set in his home. He relates in his book Good Teaching that this used to upset his young daughter, Anna, because when she said she wanted to watch TV, he told her to go to someone else’s house. However, when Anna became a college student, she began to think that her father had been right to keep TV out of their home. At her university, she discovered that many students were watching TV four to six hours a day, and she wondered when they found time to study.

• The father of Robert Newton Peck, author of such young people’s novels as A Day No Pigs Would Die, was a Shaker — a member of a pacifist religious group who practiced simple living. Robert was the only child to go to school, and actually, his parents didn’t want him to go to school. His teacher realized this, and when she met Robert’s father, she told him, “Thank you for giving me Robert. I shall try to be deserving of your trust.” Robert’s father replied, “Whatever he breaks, I’ll pay for.”

• Richard A. Watson, the author of Good Teaching, has a sister named Connie, who wanted to go to college. Unfortunately, she never managed to go and so ended up in the type of job a high-school graduate usually ends up in. Whenever a college student in the company she works for moans and groans about bad teaching at the university, she looks the student in the eye and asks, “You want to end up at my age with a job like mine?”

• Phyllis Reynolds Naylor, the author of such children’s books as Shiloh and The Agony of Alice, loved making up stories even when she was in kindergarten. One day, her kindergarten teacher asked each of her students to make up a story, which she would write down. Young Phyllis dictated her story, then stood in line again to dictate a second story, then stood in line again to dictate a third story. Finally, her teacher told her that that was “quite enough turns for one day!”

• When Jason, Candy Chester’s son, was three years old, the church they attended began to meet in a local school while waiting to move into a new building. Both the school and the church had folding chairs, so to keep the chairs from being mixed up, church members painted “Jesus” on the church’s folding chairs. One day, Jason said that he could spell the word “chair,” then he spelled “J-E-S-U-S.”

• When he was in the third grade, Newbery Award-winning author Jerry Spinelli wore his cowboy outfit — complete with hat, guns, jodhpurs, and spurs — to school. His teacher took the outfit in stride and asked, “Jerry, would you like to do something for us?” Young Jerry went up in front of the class and sang, “I Got Spurs That Jingle Jangle Jingle.” As accompaniment for himself, he shook his spurs.

• Even as a 14-year-old youngster, entertainer Jennifer Lopez took her craft seriously. During a dance class, her teacher saw that she looked upset as she struggled during class. Thinking that she had boyfriend trouble, he asked her what was wrong. She replied, “I just want to be better.” Impressed by her seriousness about dance, he replied, “You will.”

• When she was a little girl, J.K. Rowling, author of the Harry Potter books, enjoyed her first day of school, but she was surprised that she had to go back to school — she thought that after she had gone one day, she had finished school and she never needed to go back.

• For a while, computer guru Bill Gates went to an all-boys’ private school named Lakeside. When the school went co-ed, Mr. Gates programmed the school’s computer to give him a schedule that made him the only boy in classes filled with girls.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy

The Funniest People in Relationships — Buy The Paperback

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kindle

The Funniest People in Relationships — Apple

The Funniest People in Relationships — Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Relationships — Kobo

The Funniest People in Relationships — Smashwords: Many formats, Including PDF

Music Recommendation: Frogman — “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”

BRUCE’S RECOMMENDATION OF BANDCAMP MUSIC

Music: “Dance of the Sugar Plum Fairy”

Album: ORCHESTRA PIT’S REVERBERATION

Artist: Frogman

Record Company: Sharawaji Records

Record Company Location: UK

Info: “Classical World music as surf instrumentals.”

zillatonesguit, a fan, wrote:

“A 23-track treat of Classic greats; the consistent musicality is impressive! 
“Highlights:
“Dance Of The Sugar Plum Fairy — A short & sweet surf rock up of Tchaikovsky. 
“Troika — Dramatic musical ride! Featured main theme guitar.
“Three-Horse Driving — Great mellow mood lounge-y beat.
“Suka Blad Sinfonia — Beethoven’s 5th surf rocked out!
“Molto Allegro Twist — A nice smooth up-tempo mood. 
“Hungarian Dance — Bouncy romp, many riffs.”

Price: $12 (USD) for 23 tracks by various artists

Genre: Surf. Classical.

Links:

ORCHESTRA PIT’S REVERBERATION

https://sharawaji.bandcamp.com/album/orchestra-pits-reverberation

Sharawaji Records

https://sharawaji.bandcamp.com