Friday Poem: To His Coy Mistress — The Cheesesellers Wife

Had we but world enough and time, 

This coyness, lady, were no crime. 

We would sit down, and think which way 

To walk, and pass our long love’s day. 

Thou by the Indian Ganges’ side 

Shouldst rubies find; I by the tide 

Of Humber would complain. I would 

Love you ten years before the flood, 

And you should, if you please, refuse 

Till the conversion of the Jews. 

My vegetable love should grow 

Vaster than empires and more slow; 

An hundred years should go to praise 

Thine eyes, and on thy forehead gaze; 

Two hundred to adore each breast, 

But thirty thousand to the rest; 

An age at least to every part, 

And the last age should show your heart. 

For, lady, you deserve this state, 

Nor would I love at lower rate. 

       But at my back I always hear 

Time’s wingèd chariot hurrying near; 

And yonder all before us lie 

Deserts of vast eternity. 

Thy beauty shall no more be found; 

Nor, in thy marble vault, shall sound 

My echoing song; then worms shall try 

That long-preserved virginity, 

And your quaint honour turn to dust, 

And into ashes all my lust; 

The grave’s a fine and private place, 

But none, I think, do there embrace. 

       Now therefore, while the youthful hue 

Sits on thy skin like morning dew, 

And while thy willing soul transpires 

At every pore with instant fires, 

Now let us sport us while we may, 

And now, like amorous birds of prey, 

Rather at once our time devour 

Than languish in his slow-chapped power. 

Let us roll all our strength and all 

Our sweetness up into one ball, 

And tear our pleasures with rough strife 

Through the iron gates of life: 

Thus, though we cannot make our sun 

Stand still, yet we will make him run.

Note: Thee word “Coy” means “Shy.”

David Bruce: 250 Anecdotes About Religion — Mass, Money


 • Three major league umpires, Tom Gorman, Augie Donatelli, and Artie Gore, went to Mass. Afterward, the three umpires and the priest, Father John, were standing outside the church when Milwaukee shortstop Johnny Logan walked by. Father John said to Mr. Logan, “How nice to see you. Do you see my three umpires? They all went to Mass and hit the rail. How about you?” Mr. Logan replied, “Father, they need it.”

• Pope John XXIII was the son of winegrowers, and he knew and appreciated good wine. After tasting some new wine from the Vatican vineyards, he joked with the papal gardener, “Enrico, do me the favor of not allowing any of the priests who come here to taste this wine. The Monsignors will all want to have it for their Masses, and then they might want to say Mass four or five times a day!”


• As a Methodist preacher in Texas, Edwin Porter attended Annual Conference each year, where he found out to which church he would be assigned for the following year and where stewards voted on allocating funds to worthy projects. One such project was the bishops’ fund, but when discussion arose on this important topic, one steward didn’t hear the final letter of the word “fund.” The steward stood up and said, “Now, Brother Porter, I want to be a good member of the church and pay my part, but there’s one thing I’m not willing to contribute to — that’s the bishop’s fun. Why can’t the bishop pay for his own fun?”

• Comedian Eddie Cantor was getting ready to star at one of the many benefits he supported to raise money for Israel. At this particular benefit, the admission was the purchase of a $1,000 Israel bond per person. On an elevator, Mr. Cantor happened to overhear an elderly couple talking about the benefit, which they were going to attend. The husband whispered to the wife, “Think of it. It’s costing us $2,000 for this dinner today.” The wife whispered back to the husband, “See, I’m telling you, Sam, it’s costing more and more to eat out these days.”

• Lillian Baylis of the Old Vic and Sadler’s Wells knew how to get people to work for her cheap. First, she would get on her knees and pray to God: “Please, God, send me a good tenor. And let him be cheap.” After the tenor had asked for more money than she was prepared to pay, she would say, “You are asking for more money? Just a minute, dear. I will have to ask God.” As the tenor stood in her office, she would get on her knees again and pray to God, and then she would stand up and tell the tenor, “I’m sorry, dear. God says ‘No.’”

• Mulla Nasrudin was sitting upstairs when a beggar knocked at his door. Nasrudin poked his head outside the window and asked, “What do you want?” The beggar replied, “Come downstairs and I will tell you.” Nasrudin went downstairs, where the beggar asked Nasrudin for alms. Nasrudin said, “Follow me,” then he and the beggar went upstairs, where Nasrudin answered, “No.” “Why did you drag me upstairs?” asked the beggar. Nasrudin replied, “For the same reason you dragged me downstairs.”

• W.C. Fields got his first paying juggling job in 1891, when the deacon of a Methodist church agreed to pay him and a friend 30 cents to perform their act at a festival hosted by the church. However, after the act, the Methodist deacon refused to pay the money. This made Mr. Fields and his friend so angry that they stole 31 umbrellas from the Methodist church and pawned them for $1.20. After this unfortunate experience, Mr. Fields formed the resolution to do his act only for Baptists.

• Gregor Mendel, whose research on peas led to the development of the science of genetics, joined the Order of Saint Augustine and eventually became the abbot at his monastery in Brünn, Moravia. One of the reasons the other monks elected him as abbot was that the government taxed the monastery each time it elected a new abbot and therefore it preferred to elect young abbots, such as the 45-year-old Father Mendel, who would probably live for many years.


Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved


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Music Recommendation: The Control Freaks — “First Aid Kit”


Music: “First Aid Kit”


Artist: The Control Freaks

Artist Location: San Francisco, California

Record Company: Slovenly Recordings

Record Company Location: Reno, Nevada


Price: $1 (USD) for track; $7 (USD) for 13-track album

Genre: Punk. Pop Punk.



Slovenly Recordings

Slovenly Records on YouTube