David Bruce’s Spoken Word, More or Less
Halloween is coming up in a week, and I have some scary stories for you:
1) A young woman in college was going through a Goth / Punk phase, and she wore heavy, scary makeup most of the time. Sometimes, she didn’t take off the makeup even when she was going out for a run in the park. One day, she was running in the park while wearing the heavy, scary makeup, and a masked man jumped out from behind a bush, grabbed her arm, and said, “I’VE GOT YOU NOW!” The scary Goth woman said, “THE POLICE ARE AFTER ME!” Scary masked man ran away in one direction, and scary Goth woman ran away in the opposite direction.
2) A man was trying to pick up a woman, and he was persistent even after she made it clear that she was not interested in him. Finally, she asked, “May I borrow your phone?” He handed her his phone, and she looked through the contacts and saw a contact labelled “Mom.” She called that number, and when his mom answered, she said, “Your son is trying to pick me up, and I have told him over and over that I am not interested, and he is persistent even after I have made it clear that I am not interested.” They talked for a minute or so, with the woman giving the man’s mother a few details, and then she handed the phone back to the man and said, “Your mother wants to talk to you.”
3) A man was walking one way on the sidewalk, and a woman was walking toward him on the sidewalk. When they got close, the man said, “You’re a bit too thin for me.” The woman replied, “You’re a bit too thick for me.” They kept on walking past each other.
4) Two women were riding their bikes in the neighborhood when a man working on his roof began to catcall them. The two women got off their bikes, walked over to his house, knocked the man’s ladder over, and then they got on their bikes and rode away.
5) Some men are scary, obviously, but other men are not scary. A man was arguing with a woman on a bus. The man was standing up, and the woman was seated. Eventually, the man got so angry that he kicked the seat the woman was sitting on. This is, of course, an act of violence. A quick-thinking man ran up behind the angry man and grabbed the top of his sweatpants and pulled them down to his ankles. The quick-thinking man then stood between the woman and the angry man, and he stared at the angry man. The angry man pulled his pants up and walked back to his own seat. The woman thanked the quick-thinking man, who said, “You’re welcome,” and he went back to his seat and sat down. The angry man got off the bus at the next stop.
6) This story is just about a man who simply did the right thing. A woman ordered a pizza and thought she had time to take a quick shower before it was delivered, but she heard the doorbell ring as she was wrapping a towel around herself after the shower. She went to the door and let in the pizza-delivery man. She handed him her credit card, and he handed her the pizza, and — oh! my goodness! — her towel accidentally fell to the floor. Pizza-delivery man immediately turned around so he couldn’t see her, and she picked up the towel and held it in front of her. Pizza-delivery man finished the credit-card transaction and handed the woman her credit card and the receipt by holding it over his shoulder and behind his back, and he left.
7) A woman went into a coffee shop and a man there tried to pick her up. She did not want to be picked up, but the man was persistent. The woman bought two hotdogs and two Cokes. She went to a table and put down one hotdog and one Coke on each side of the table. She sat down. The man sat down opposite her. She pushed her hotdog and her Coke toward him, and then she got up and left. The man had a decision to make: Does he get up and follow the woman, or does he stay and eat? The man stayed and ate.
Please, take these stories and make videos to put up on YouTube. In the case of the pizza delivery, the woman can be wearing a two-piece swimsuit so you don’t get censored.