David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• Can a pothole be a hero? Don’t be silly. Can a pothole save a life? Actually, yes. In November 2011 while attending school in Cincinnati, Ohio, eight-year-old Laci Davis accidentally swallowed a heart-shaped gold locket that lodged in her throat, making breathing difficult. She said, “I was trying to put my hair up and I had my locket in my mouth, and he [a friend] was making me laugh so I was laughing at the same time, and it just went down my throat.” She found breathing difficult. She said, “It felt like something was stabbing me right in the middle of my chest.” Doctors X-rayed her throat and told her mother to take her to Cincinnati Children’s Hospital. Her mother rushed her to the hospital, and on the way the car hit a pothole. The jolt dislodged the locket, which fell into Laci’s stomach. Laci’s mother, Amanda Cullum, said about the drive to the hospital, “We hit a pothole, and she looked at me and said, ‘Mom, I feel better.’ I said, ‘What do you mean you feel better?’ She said, ‘I don’t feel it anymore.”’ Laci said about the pothole, “It was my hero and I when I got home I was like, ‘Thank you, bump.’” She added, “It’s going to have to come out the old-fashioned way. I’m just going to get a new necklace because I’m not going through that ‘treasure.’”

• Richard Burton bought his wife, Elizabeth Taylor, the famous La Peregrina pearl. She had a pajama party with some friends, including fashion designer Vicky Tiel, and served fried chicken and champagne. At the party, she showed off the pearl. At one point in the evening, however, she looked at the black velvet box the pearl had come in and screamed, “Oh, my god!” The pearl was missing. At first, they thought that the room-service waitress must have stolen the pearl but they realized that she had not been near it. That meant that one of the people present must have taken the pearl — or perhaps it was lost. They searched for it a long time, but fell asleep. The next morning Elizabeth’s guests woke up first and worried about telling Mr. Burton that the pearl was missing. Mr. Burton walked into the room and woke up Elizabeth and handed the pearl to her, saying, “Here, I found your dog in his bed chewing on this.”

• Despite his obvious high intelligence, Isaac Asimov could be absent-minded. When he was married to his first wife, he once took a bill to the gas company and complained about how much it was. He said, “We have never used enough gas to bring us up to the minimum. We have no children. We both work. We cook perhaps four meals a week. How can we possibly get a gas bill for $6.50? I demandan explanation.” The gas-company employee had a good explanation: “This is an electricbill.” By the way, television reporter Walter Cronkite once interviewed Mr. Asimov, who wanted to tell him, “My father will be very thrilled, Mr. Cronkite, when he finds out you’ve interviewed me.” However, he was afraid of sounding immature and so refrained from saying it. During a break in the filming, Mr. Cronkite said to Mr. Asimov, “Dr. Asimov, my father will be very thrilled when he finds out I’ve interviewed you.”

• Mishaps occur in nursing. When Joanne Murnane was a new nurse working in a hospital, one of her patients died. She prepared the dead patient, and seeing dentures on the dead patient’s table, she stuffed the dentures in the dead patient’s mouth and then took him to the hospital morgue. When she returned to the room to care for the other, live patient there, the live patient said, “Miss, have you seen my teeth? I laid them on this table but can’t find them now.” Of course, he had put his dentures on the wrong table. Thinking quickly, Nurse Murnane said, “I’m cleaning them for you, sir. I’ll have them back soon.” She says, “Of course, I did clean and sterilize the dentures and returned them to their correct owner, all the while thanking my lucky stars that all had worked out acceptably.

• Frank Sinatra tipped well — extremely well — but he demanded good service. He once invited his husband-and-wife friends Don and Barbara Rickles to a dinner party to celebrate their second anniversary. Everything was wonderful: the cold Jack Daniels, the hot hors d’oeuvers, a magnificent Chinese dinner. Well, almost wonderful. The service was slow, and this got on Frank’s nerves. And when a server dropped noodles onto Frank’s lap, Frank tipped the table over and left. The Rickles were left covered in Chinese food. Barbara rose to the occasion. She pointed to the glass of vodka that she was holding in her hand and asked, “Waiter, could I have some more ice?” (Frank sent Barbara a note of apology the next day.)

• Works of art can become lost, and not just in the usual way. For example, a bust of William Shakespeare is thought to have been on exhibit in the outdoors on Lookout Mountain at the Lookout Mountain National Military Park near Chattanooga, TN. Officials searched for the bust, but they were unable to find it. Apparently, it is still there — hidden under vegetation such as poison ivy. Susan Nichols of Save Outdoor Sculpture! says, “I call outdoor sculpture ‘orphans of the cultural community.’ Outdoor sculpture often suffers from benign neglect, as well as from the environment. We need to become more active and vigilant in caring for them.”

• In the 1994 movie The Browning Version, starring Albert Finney, the Greek schoolmaster he plays appears in a scene with schoolboys who are having trouble translating the ancient Greek of Agamemnonby the tragedian Aeschylus. Classicist Mary Beard points out that it is no wonder that they are having trouble: On each schoolboy’s desk appears not an edition of Aeschylus in Greek, but instead a Penguin translation of Aeschylus into English. (Penguin books have instantly recognizable covers.) Ms. Beard writes, “Presumably some bloke in the props department had been sent off to find twenty copies of the Agamemnonand knew no better than to bring it in English.”

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

SOMETIMES FREE EBOOK

John Ford’s The Broken Heart: A Retelling, by David Bruce

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/792090

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/792090

***

SOMETIMES FREE EBOOK

William Shakespeare’s Measure for Measure:A Retelling in Prose, by David Bruce

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/530136

***

SOMETIMES FREE EBOOK

Ben Jonson’s The Alchemist:A Retelling in Prose

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/731768

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• Mishaps occur on stages, including opera stages. At the opening-night performance of Julius Caesarat the Metropolitan Opera, Spiro Malas, who played the role of Ptolemeo, forgot the first two words of his next aria. He went offstage to look up the words, and his small band of soldiers also went offstage. These “soldiers’ were extras whose orders were to simply follow Mr. Malas wherever he went. Beverly Sills and the singers in the opera were amused because these are the two words that Mr. Malas had forgotten: “Julius Caesar.” Of course, on-stage mishaps also occurred to Ms. Sills. While playing Queen Elizabeth in Donizetti’s Roberto Devereux, Ms. Sills at first wore a putty nose to make her nose bigger, but she sweated so much during each performance that the putty nose fell off by the end of Act II, so eventually she performed the role with her own nose. Due to an automobile accident when she was a teenager, Ms. Sills had two capped teeth. During a performance of Anna Bolena, the caps fell out. She recovered them and continued to sing, and during a break her makeup artist, Gigi Capobianco, used Duco cement to make sure that the caps stayed in place. Ms. Sills said, “The only problem was that the next day the dentist had to use a hammer and chisel to remove them so that he could replace them properly.”

• Ana Samways writes a column titled “Sideswipe” in the New Zealand Herald; her column is a collection of funny photographs and anecdotes that her readers send her. For example, a parent wrote about her daughter the Good Samaritan, “One morning in Bondi [New South Wales, Australia], she spotted from behind what appeared to be a toddler about to cross a busy road and no sign of mum! Quick as a flash, with her long legs and high heels flying, she darted through the traffic and whisked the unattended toddler off his feet … But the ‘toddler’ was a very disgruntled dwarf who swore at her.” In the same column, Ms. Samways put an anecdote sent in by Erik Wetting, who has a female friend who works as a Quarantine Officer at Auckland International Airport in New Zealand. A young female passenger who was returning to New Zealand had been hiking while abroad, and hiking boots need to be inspected for such things as soil and seeds because the seeds of a plant non-native to New Zealand could disrupt the ecology. Mr. Wetting’s friend told the young female passenger, “Show me your boots.” He writes that the passenger “stared blankly at my friend for a moment and then with a shrug started to remove her T-shirt and bra.” The Quarantine Officer quickly let the passenger know, “I said, ‘BOOTS.’”

• Rich people have problems, too. Lee Radziwell, sister of Jackie Kennedy Onassis, and Truman Capote were friends. Once, after her husband, Stas, gave her a new sable coat, Lee visited Truman, and they went to the movies, with Lee leaving her new fur coat behind. When they returned from the movies, they saw Charlie, Truman’s pet bulldog, lying on part of the coat. Around him were the shreds of the rest of the coat. Truman thought it was funny and laughed. Lee says, “For him, everything provided a pretext to laugh.” When Jackie was still married to John F. Kennedy, she and Caroline, her four-year-old daughter (and Secret Service agents), visited the Radziwells in Italy. They and other people visited a house near Naples. Lots of people in Italy kept a shotgun on a table in the living room. Such was the case here. A guest picked up the shotgun and fired it, not realizing that it was loaded. Of course, the Secret Service came running. And when Lee was a very young lady, she felt her underwear fall around her ankles at a fancy event. Fortunately, she was wearing a very long skirt. 

• Al Capp, creator of the comic strip Li’l Abner, once had the chance to participate in a morning conference with President Dwight David Eisenhower. He wanted to make sure that he woke up early, so he left orders for the hotel to make three wake-up calls to his suite and then to deliver breakfast there. Unfortunately, he woke up too late to attend the conference. He was plenty angry and was going to bawl out the hotel employees, but he met another angry man who had been woken up three times by wake-up calls he hadn’t requested and then was woken up a fourth time by the delivery of a breakfast he hadn’t ordered. Mr. Capp then discovered that he had given the hotel employees the wrong suite number.

• Whenever the Damrosch Opera Company performed in Boston, any extras it needed were played by students from Harvard University. The doorkeeper at the stage entrance got twenty-five cents for providing each extra, but he made much more money than that because he charged the extras fifty or more cents each for hearing the opera from on stage. This usually worked out well for everyone, but during a performance of Lohengrin, a Harvard student dressed in armor stood on stage and read the libretto of the opera — to help him see, he wore eyeglasses.

• Courtland Byrd once made a mistake. A barber, he cut the hair of a longtime customer named Murphy, and then he held up a hand mirror for Murphy to take to look at his haircut. But Murphy did not take the hand mirror, and suddenly Courtland remembered that Murphy was blind. Of course, the other barbers and the customers laughed. Courtland says, “If you make a donkey of yourself in the barber shop, they’ll ride you.”

• A woman who was trying to get a driver license ended up in the sea. In November 2011, in the historic port of Antofagasta in Chile, the woman accelerated when she should have braked. She ended up in the port, and a bystander — a saleswoman at the nearby Terminal Pesquero — swam to the vehicle and rescued her. Her driving examiner swam to shore and — apparently disgusted — walked away.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

Free davidbrucehaiku #13 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku #12 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku #11 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku eBooks (pdfs)

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs)

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND: Volume 2

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore: Retellings of Classic Literature, Anecdote Collections, Discussion Guides for Teachers of Literature, Collections of Good Deed Accounts, etc. Some eBooks are free.

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• During a theatrical presentation of Bulldog Drummond, the villain was supposed to gain possession of a gun, then fire it at Bulldog — but no shot was supposed to fire. Bulldog was supposed to then say, “My good man, I would scarcely have let you amuse yourself with that toy had I not known it was unloaded.” However, one night the villain grabbed the wrong gun, which was loaded with blanks, then shot twice at Bulldog. Real bullets were not used, of course, but the gun sprayed powder onto Bulldog’s chest. The actor playing Bulldog couldn’t say his line about the gun’s being unloaded, and since Bulldog was the hero of the play, he couldn’t “die,” so he looked at the villain and said, “My good man, you’re a damned bad shot.”

• In Amsterdam, Anne-Marie Holmes danced the title role of Giselle. However, the National Ballet of Holland used a different grave than the one she was used to. The cover to its grave opened in the middle instead of to the side. Ms. Holmes wanted to be sure that her skirt would not get caught in the grave cover so she leaned forward; she was successful in that the grave cover did not close on her skirt — instead, it closed on her nose. Fortunately, the stagehands heard her moan, so they lifted the cover enough for her to get her nose free. Otherwise, the otherworldly spirit that was Giselle would have had an embarrassing time in front of the audience. 

• When Peter Martins first began performing with the New York City Ballet, he had to learn several ballets very quickly. Often, he learned a ballet during a day and then had to perform it later that night. On one occasion, he was dancing with Suzanne Farrell. He had five entrances and exits. The first four went well, but he forgot about the fifth entrance. For support, Ms. Farrell stretched out her hand, which Mr. Martins was supposed to take, but Mr. Martins was offstage, so Ms. Farrell fell on her face. To the audience, it looked as if Ms. Farrell had committed the fault. According to Mr. Martins, “She was furious with me about that for a whole week.”

• Anton Dolin and Alicia Markova toured the world, bringing ballet to everybody. Of course, mishaps occurred during touring. In Birmingham, Alabama, Ms. Markova fell flat on her back during Act II of Giselle, lying with her legs and her lilies pointing straight up, while she giggled at the indignity of her position. In Dallas, Texas, the stage floor was so slippery that at one point Mr. Dolan told the audience, “Ladies and gentlemen, we are doing our best and trying to stand up, but neither Miss Markova nor I nor our group are billed as The Ice Capades!”

• Margaret Rawlins appeared in The White Devil, in which a gang of thugs killed her character near the end of the play. During one performance, the actors playing the thugs got carried away and Ms. Rawlins’ gown was ripped to the waist, leaving her topless. (Since this happened in 1947, the audience was in shock.) Trouper that she was, Ms. Rawlins remained motionless until the curtain came down, then she gathered the remnants of her clothing and glared at the actors who were staring at her from the wings.

• Giuseppe di Stefano sang the part of Alfredo in Giuseppe Verdi’s opera La Traviata. In the second act, he was supposed to throw some stage money into the face of the character Violetta — a deadly insult. Unfortunately, once on stage he discovered that his dresser had forgotten to put the stage money into a pocket — any pocket — of his costume. Forced to improvise, he slapped Violetta. The woman playing Violetta never forgave him.

• One of the great dance teams of all time is Anna Pavlova and Mikhail Mordkin, but mishaps happen even to great dance teams. While touring, they performed in Mordkin’s Legend of Azyiade, based on The Arabian Nights. During a performance, Ms. Pavlova with her usual vigor hurled herself into Mr. Mordkin’s arms, and the sofa he was sitting on collapsed.

• While playing Juliet in Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet, Constance Benson once stood on a rather shakily constructed balcony. She was warned not to move around too much, but in the emotion of acting, she forgot her instructions. The balcony collapsed, and she tumbled right into Romeo’s arms.

• French soprano Emma Calvé once had the misfortune of having her knickers fall down while she was singing in the presence of Queen Victoria of Great Britain. Ms. Calvé remained calm and kicked the knickers into the wings as she continued to sing, but Queen Victoria was shocked and did not applaud at the end of the performance.

• Frank Benson once played Hamlet so energetically that when he plunged his sword through a curtain he sliced through the eyelid of the actress playing the Queen. She asked him in a whisper if her eye was put out, and he whispered back that it was not and to please keep the injury hidden from the audience.

• While singing in Verdi’s La Forza del Destino, tenor Enrico Caruso was supposed to throw a gun on the floor, at which time a stagehand would fire a blank offstage. Mr. Caruso did throw the gun on the floor, but there was no gunshot — so Mr. Caruso said loudly, “BANG.”

• On one occasion, Alicia Markova, while dancing in the role of Giselle, started to pull some lilies from the stage, only to discover that the stagehands had mistakenly nailed them down. With a mighty effort, she wrenched them free, then continued to dance.

• At the 1986 Federal Express St. Jude Classic, Gary McCord hit five shots in a row into a pond. Finally, he looked at his club. He was using a 4-iron instead of the 3-iron he thought he was using.

• Ballet dancer Anna Pavlova loved to swim, although she was not very good at it. She liked to dive into the water and once knocked herself out with a dive.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

Free davidbrucehaiku #12 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku #11 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku eBooks (pdfs)

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs)

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND: Volume 2

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore: Retellings of Classic Literature, Anecdote Collections, Discussion Guides for Teachers of Literature, Collections of Good Deed Accounts, etc. Some eBooks are free.

***

FUNNIEST PEOPLE IN DANCE (PAPERBACK)

http://www.lulu.com/shop/david-bruce/the-funniest-people-in-dance-250-anecdotes/hardcover/product-22743210.html

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• At the Chicago Herald-Examiner, John J. “Jack” McPhaul once worked with a female reporter who was dedicated to meeting deadlines. Once, they were working together on a murder case. They waited for a coroner to finish his work on the murder victim so they could report on the findings. Their deadline for the first edition was fast approaching, and growing impatient she walked into the coroner’s office. A moment later, the coroner appeared and beckoned to Mr. McPhaul. Two bodies were lying down. One was the murder victim; the other was the female reporter. Mr. McPhaul asked what had happened, and the coroner replied, “She tapped me on the shoulder, and when I turned it was just in time to catch her. Out like a light. Guess the job was a little messier than she had expected.” The female reporter regained consciousness, looked at Mr. McPhaul, and said, “Jack McPhaul, if you ever tell a soul, I’ll kill you.”

• Cerys Matthewswas the lead singer ofCatatonia and now records solo albums. One of her best friends is fellow Welsh singer Tom Jones, who gave her the best advice she has ever received—and followed: “Tom Jones told me not to drink before going on stage. You grow up with all these myths about rock ’n’ roll behavior, even if the stars are on a rollercoaster to hell. His advice was so simple, but it really does work.” She had her most embarrassing moment on stage in the days before Mr. Jones gave her this advice, when she fell over a monitor during a concert in Germany. She remembers, “I might have got away with it if I hadn’t been mid-note.” Ms. Matthews has thought about death, as all of us have, and she would like to be remembered “with a good sentence on a gravestone. I’m still working out what it would say. Gravestones are like Twitter—you need something short that will amuse people.”

• Linda Ronstadt has sung some operetta and opera. For example, she has sung the role of Mabel in Gilbert and Sullivan’s Pirates of Penzance. Doing this was hard work because she wasn’t used to acting while singing. For example, during rehearsals she sometimes did not understand where to walk. A few times, at the end of a song in rehearsal she found herself standing in the place marked off for the orchestra pit. Co-star Kevin Kline also once pointed out to her during a rehearsal, “This is Gilbert and Sullivan, Linda—you can’t say, ‘Git!’” She also worked in La Bohemewith some other people who were new to opera. One musician even was heard asking during an early rehearsal, “Isn’t there any dialogue in this show?”

• Actor Michael Landon seldom ate breakfast or lunch; instead, he would eat supper and often add a late-night snack. One night, at around 1 p.m. he made himself a plate of spaghetti and took it to his and his wife’s bedroom, but discovered that he had forgotten the grated cheese. He put the plate of spaghetti, which was covered with tomato sauce, on the bed and left to get the grated cheese. His wife turned over in bed and woke up when her hand hit the plate of spaghetti. She turned on the light, looked at her hand, saw what she thought was blood, and started screaming. Michael ran to the bedroom and calmed her down.

• In 1958, when Larry King first left Brooklyn and went to South Florida, he hit John F. Kennedy’s car. Senator Kennedy was pretty steamed about it, saying, “How could you? Early Sunday morning, no traffic, not a cloud in the sky, I’m parked—how could you run into me?” Unfortunately, Mr. King did not have a good excuse—he had simply been gawking at the fancy Palm Beach boutiques. Mr. Kennedy did offer to forget about the accident—if Mr. King promised to vote for him in the Presidential election. Mr. King did, and Mr. Kennedy drove away—after telling Mr. King, “Stay waaay behind me.”

• During the filming of The Wizard of Oz, a few mishaps occurred. For example, the teacher who taught child actors thought that the adult midgets who performed as the Munchkins were children and tried to round them up and take them to school. And one wardrobe lady asked an adult little person to undress, saying, “I have a little one just like you at home.” When the little person undressed, she realized from the physical evidence that she was in the presence of an adult male.

• In 2006, six weeks after Melissa Rivers, the daughter of Joan Rivers, had given birth, she attended a televised event (with a celebrity red carpet) at which someone looked at her and asked her when her baby was due. Fortunately, George Clooney came up to her. Melissa says, “He put his arm around me and said I looked amazing. That made me feel so much better.”

• A career in opera can end quickly. French mezzo Simone Berriaux once choked on a peppercorn while eating a beefsteak. Although she coughed repeatedly, she could not dislodge the peppercorn from beside her vocal cords. The next morning a surgeon removed the peppercorn, but it had damaged her vocal cords so badly that she was forced to retire from opera.

• As a student, Arthur Mitchell once happily danced a Military Tap Salute at his public school; unfortunately, midway through the number, he forgot his routine. He handled it well. He simply told the audience, “You’ll have to excuse me. It could happen to anyone. It’s because I’m not a professional.” (Later, of course, he became a professional.)

• Not all good deeds work out. For a performance by ballerina Maria Tallchief and the New York City Ballet, Japanese stagehands waxed the stage floor. Of course, this resulted in dancers slipping, sliding, and falling. After that one ruinous performance, the stage floor was restored to its usual scuffed lack of splendor.

• DavidByrne, former front man for the Talking Heads, is a cyclist. In 2008, he crashed on West 14thStreet in New York City. Two police officers arrived and asked him two questions: 1) Were you drinking? and 2) Are you David Byrne? Both questions had the same answer: yes.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

Free davidbrucehaiku #12 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku #11 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku eBooks (pdfs)

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs)

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND: Volume 2

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore: Retellings of Classic Literature, Anecdote Collections, Discussion Guides for Teachers of Literature, Collections of Good Deed Accounts, etc. Some eBooks are free.

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• Before George Cehanovsky started singing with the Metropolitan Opera, he sang the title role in Eugene Onegin. During the scene where he was supposed to shoot and kill the poet Lensky in a duel, his gun would not fire. (Later, he discovered that he and the singer playing Lensky had picked up the wrong guns — the singer playing Lensky had the gun with the blank in it.) The singer playing Lensky decided to fall over “dead” anyway, and when he hit the floor, the blank in his gun went off. Mr. Cehanovsky asked Eugene’s second, “Is he killed!” The second replied, “He died of a heart attack.”

• Early in her career, soprano Leslie Garrett appeared as Cupid in Oronteafor Musica nel Chiostro (Music in the Cloisters) in Batignano, Italy. Little money was available for costumes, and as Cupid Ms. Garrett wore only some silver cycling shorts and a strategically placed towel. At a dress rehearsal attended by local villagers, the towel somehow flew off, angering the local matrons but gladdening their unmarried sons. After that near-riot dress rehearsal, Ms. Garrett glued the towel to her chest.

• German contralto Ernestine Schumann-Heink once wore a train on a formal gown while singing in a concert. Unfortunately, while walking on stage, her train caught on a steel tack and pulled loose. She responded well to a  situation that would have embarrassed many singers. Ms. Schumann-Heink simply picked up the train, draped it across the piano, and said to the audience, “Vell! unt vhat doo you teenk off dot!” This endeared her to the audience even before she had sang a note.

• When Richard Burton was starring at the old Vic in Hamlet, John Gielgud stopped by his dressing room after a performance so that they could go out and have supper together. However, Mr. Burton took a long time changing out of his costume so Mr. Gielgud said, “I’ll go on ahead. Come when you’re better — I mean, when you’re ready!” In his book Acting Shakespeare, Mr. Gielgud calls this one of his favorite theatrical gaffes.

• While singing Siegmund to Birgit Nilsson’s Sieglinda in the first two performances of Die Walküreduring the 1974-1975 season at the New York Metropolitan Opera, Jon Vickers withdrew the sword from the tree with such force that the sword flew from the handle and into the safety net protecting the orchestra. Afterward, Ms. Nilsson said that if she hadn’t stepped back, she would have lost part of her nose.

• Bluesman Robert Lockwood once went into a town to look for himself. He played in Elaine, Arkansas, then went back home, where he heard that fellow bluesman Robert Johnson was in Elaine. Mr. Lockwood wanted to see Mr. Johnson, so he went back to Elaine, where he discovered that a mistake had been made. A man had seen Mr. Lockwood playing and had thought that Mr. Lockwood was Mr. Johnson.

• Rita Thunderbird performed as a human cannonball throughout the United Kingdom while wearing a gold lamé bikini. On one occasion in 1977, however, she remained in the cannon after it was fired although she was supposed to fly across the River Thames. However, this didn’t stop the show — flying across the River Thames without her was her gold lamé bra.

• In Washington DC, the stagehands let the curtain down right in the middle of a pas de deuxby Maria Tallchief and André Eglevsky, leaving Ms. Tallchief in front of the curtain and Mr. Eglevsky behind the curtain. Mr. Eglevsky remained calm and simply rejoined Ms. Tallchief on stage, where they bowed to the audience and called the dance finis.

• While singing in Tosca, Plácido Domingo has had bad luck crying out “Vittoria! Vittoria!” Once, he fell flat on his nose, creating a pool of blood; fortunately, he managed to finish the opera. On another occasion, he threw his head back as he cried “Vittoria! Vittoria!” — and broke the nose of the supernumerary standing behind him.

• Tenor Franco Corelli takes music seriously. At home, Mr. Corelli became so frustrated while trying unsuccessfully to play a certain phrase that he jumped up from the piano then smashed his fist through a closet door. He and his wife were unsuccessful at freeing his arm, so they were forced to call a carpenter for help.

• The Grant food chain once attempted to create a hot dog without cancer-causing nitrates. It sent a package of the healthy hot dogs to the United States Department of Agriculture so they could be tested, but an official there thought that they were a gift, so he took them home and had a weenie roast.

• During a performance of Macbethon a very hot evening, Sarah Siddons ordered a beer. A boy went out, bought the beer, and carried it back to the theater. However, Mrs. Siddons was not where she had been. Looking around, the boy saw her acting on stage, so he walked on stage and delivered the beer to her.

• During a performance of Electrawith Birgit Nielsen at the Paris Opera, the lights went out due to a power failure. When the lights came on again, Richard Lewis picked up the performance where it had ended by singing his next lines: “Lights. Lights. Is there no one here to light them?”

• In the mid-1950s, Gene Bozzacco, who was a musician with the Metropolitan Opera, remembered a funny performance of Forzain Brooklyn. Both men about to have a duel forgot their pistols, and they were forced to run off the stage in different directions to get them.

• Filming The Texas Chain Saw Massacrewas dangerous. In one scene, Gunnar Hansen (playing Leatherface) was running with a whirling chain saw when he slipped. The whirling chain saw flew in the air and landed a few inches from Ms. Hansen’s body.

• At her all-female college, Katherine Hepburn played men’s roles in the plays the theater department put on. During one play, she put a hand in her pants pocket, sat down, and couldn’t get her hand out again.

• The Reverend Sydney Smith drank some ink by accident, then said, “Bring me all the blotting paper there is in the house.”

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

***

250 ANECDOTES ABOUT OPERA — LULU PAPERBACK

http://www.lulu.com/shop/david-bruce/250-anecdotes-about-opera/paperback/product-22215135.html

Free davidbrucehaiku #11 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku eBooks (pdfs)

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs)

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore: Retellings of Classic Literature, Anecdote Collections, Discussion Guides for Teachers of Literature, Collections of Good Deed Accounts, etc. Some eBooks are free.

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs) (Includes Discussion Guides for Inferno, Purgatory, and Paradise)

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• If famed architect Frank Lloyd Wright had a weakness, it was his designs for furniture. When he designed the Johnson Wax Administrative Building in Racine, Wisconsin, he also designed three-legged chairs that unfortunately tipped over frequently, spilling the occupant onto the floor. The company president asked him why he had not put four legs on the chairs, and Mr. Wright replied, “You won’t tip if you sit back and put your two feet on the ground because then you have five legs holding you up. If five legs won’t hold you, then I don’t know what will!” Earlier in his career, Mr. Wright designed chairs for another building he had designed: the Larkin Company Administration Building in Buffalo, New York. His chairs were called “suicide chairs” because they tipped over so frequently. Although Mr. Wright thought — correctly — of himself as a genius, even he admitted that his chairs were far from comfortable. He once said, “I have been black and blue in some spot, somewhere, almost all my life from too much intimate contact with my own early furniture.”

• Franco Corelli used to carry around hidden sponges on stage while singing so he could occasionally wet his lips. Birgit Nilsson remembers that during the 1961 revival of Turandotat the Metropolitan Opera, Mr. Corelli suddenly turned his back on the audience, reached into the front of his pants, and, in Ms. Nilsson’s words, “began fooling around.” Of course, she was understandably worried about what he was going to do, and she was understandably relieved when he finally pulled out the sponge he had been searching for and wet his lips.

• During Tosca, a fire started on stage while Geraldine Farrar was performing. The prompter started to throw a fire extinguisher to Ms. Farrar, but she motioned to him not to do it. Instead, she acted shocked, then beat out the fire with her hands. Later, she explained that a modern fire extinguisher did not belong in Toscaand she preferred to injure her hands rather than to do violence to the opera.

• WNBA star Rebecca Lobo’s most embarrassing moment on the basketball court came when she was a first-year player for the University of Connecticut. She had forgotten to tie the drawstring of her uniform shorts, and when she jumped to block a shot, she became entangled with the other player, and her shorts ended up around her ankles. After that experience, she remembered to tie the drawstring.

• As a youth, Marvel Comics maven Stan Lee worked in a movie house on Broadway. Once, first lady Eleanor Roosevelt visited the theater, and Mr. Lee had the privilege of showing her to her seat. He walked down the aisle with his head held high, and he tripped over the leg of a patron and fell. Mrs. Roosevelt put her hands on his shoulders and asked if he was all right. (He was fine — except for his pride.)

• Language can be ambiguous. While a priest was giving a homily in a Catholic school, a little boy started talking. Not wanting the homily to be interrupted, a Sister asked one of her young pupils, “Go up there and tell him to stop talking.” The young pupil walked past the talking boy, went up to the priest who was giving the homily, and said, “Sister said you should stop talking.”

• Chubby Wise played fiddle for country singer Hank Snow. During a concert, Mr. Wise’s bow caught Mr. Snow’s toupee and flung it out into the audience. Someone in the audience went home with a very unusual celebrity memento. (Once, Mr. Snow got too close to the edge of the stage and fell off. He said, “Goddamn it, Chubby. Why don’t you watch where I’m going?”)

• The funniest typo that ever occurred in a work by children’s book writer Phyllis Reynolds Naylor appeared in a short story titled “The Twelve Days of Christmas.” Instead of reading, “Marvin Migglesby sat by the fire roasting chestnuts and feeding them to the dog,” the last line read, “Marvin Migglesby sat by the fire roasting the dog.”

• In 1952, the Oklahoma Sooners had a wonderful football team, but way too many fumbles, especially in the first half, led to a loss against Notre Dame, although the Sooners were favored to win. At halftime, an Oklahoma drum major threw a baton high in the air, but missed catching it when it came down, and it tumbled crazily on the ground. A fan told Oklahoma coach Bud Wilkinson, “I see you coach the band, too.”

• Hugh Laing once was in the middle of a dance with Alicia Markova in Alekowhen she fainted — she was so graceful that the faint seemed part of the dance. Mr. Laing did not stop dancing, but he gathered Ms. Markova in his arms, danced offstage and gave her to some people who could help her, then danced onstage again.

• Early in her career, when she was still a student, artist Edna Hibel was enthusiastically working on a fresco, standing on a big block to reach high up on a wall. Unfortunately, she stepped too far back to view her work with the result that she fell to the floor. Ms. Hibel says, “That’s one time my enthusiasm hit bottom!”

• Early in her career, choreographer Agnes de Mille danced in the play The Black Crook. One night, her partner accidentally kicked her and broke her nose. Ms. de Mille reported, “The sound, a kind of wet scrunch, carried to the back of the theater, but, I am proud to say, neither of us missed a step.”

• Mishaps occur even in the lives of famous authors. Poet Arnold Adoff, author of Eats and Chocolate Dreams, was once eating peanut butter while writing at a typewriter. He was careless, he got peanut butter in the typewriter, and he was forced to hire a repairman to fix the problem.

• Around 1914, while performing in New Orleans, Ma Rainey sang, “If you don’t believe I’m sinkin’, look what a hole I’m in.” At that moment, the stage she was standing on collapsed. (Fortunately, no one was hurt.)

• A Washington newspaper printed a headline with a typo: “CHURCHILL IN BED WITH SLIGHT COED.” President Franklin D. Franklin sent Prime Minister Winston Churchill several copies of the newspaper.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

David Bruce’s Lulu Bookstore (Paperbacks)

David Bruce’s Amazon Author Bookstore

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore

David Bruce’s Apple Bookstore

David Bruce’s Barnes and Noble Books

David Bruce’s Kobo Books

davidbruceblog #1

davidbruceblog #2

davidbruceblog #3

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

• Alice Cooper frequently gets “killed” by zombies as part of his act. He also uses a lot of stage props—something that sometimes results in accidents. For example, he used to “hang” himself on stage—a wire kept him from actually breaking his neck in the noose. Alice remembers, “We’d made the thing ourselves, and used piano wire as the support cable. But what we didn’t figure is that if we used it 300 times, the wire would eventually lose its strength. Then one night in London it snapped. Fortunately, I instinctively put my neck up and slipped right through the noose. I fell six feet, hit my jaw. Man, was I lucky!” A live prop was a boa constrictor that once suffered from onstage diarrhea—something that made his stage crew, who were onstage dressed as clowns, vomit. (After the concert, Johnny Rotten said, “Alice, that was the most magnificent thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life.”) Alice also stabbed himself in the leg with a sword—accidentally. He remembers, “I looked down and thought, ‘Well, it’s already in there, so I might as well carry on.’” Alice realized the importance of stage props from his days as a high-school student: “One of my teachers had a guillotine, and if you were late, he’d put your head in it. I was late all the time.”

• Being one of the Three Stooges—Moe, Larry, and Curly—sometimes involved sacrifice. In 1936, the Stooge made the comedy short Ants in the Pantry. In it, the boys are pest exterminators, but business is slow, so their boss finds a way to get more customers, “If they don’t have any bugs, give them some!” Therefore, the Three Stooges start putting mice, ants, and moths in future customers’ houses. During filming, a container of red ants broke in Moe’s pocket, and they started swarming inside his clothing, leading to a lot of squirming by Moe. The director, Preston Black, loved it, saying, “Great, Moe! Keep up that squirming!” Moe remembers, “It was very funny—to everyone but me.” Also in 1936, the Stooges made Slippery Silks. In this short, over 150 pies were thrown, and Moe ended up with a sore arm and a sore face because the pies that he did not throw were thrown at him. The other Stooges also suffered injuries: Larry lost a tooth in one short, and Curly once got hit in the head and had to be attended to by a doctor. The doctor cut away some of Curly’s hair so he could attend to his wound, and then he glued back the hair so Curly could resume shooting the short.

• Maya Angelou once visited Senegal, where a friend named Samia invited her to supper. While she was there, she noticed that none of the guests was walking on the carpet. This made her angry because, she says, “I had known a woman in Egypt who would not allow her servants to walk on her rugs, saying that only she, her family and friends were going to wear out her expensive carpets. Samia plummeted in my estimation.” Therefore, to make a point, she walked back and forth a few times on the carpet as “[t]he guests who were bunched up on the sidelines smiled at me weakly.” Later, she regretted her action. Servants rolled up the carpet she had walked on, put down a fresh carpet, and then put food and plates and eating utensils on it. Samia then said to her guests that in honor of Maya Angelou, she was serving a very popular dish from Senegal. The guests then sat on the carpet. Ms. Angelou realized that in her ignorance, she had been walking on her host’s tablecloth, and she says that she was “on fire with shame.”

• Monty Python Terry Jones was friends with Douglas Adams, author of the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Universe books. One story that Mr. Adams used to tell was of being at a train station with a Guardian newspaper and a package of biscuits (British for cookies). He sat down with a cup of coffee and put down the newspaper. In the middle of the table was a packet of biscuits. Another man was already at the table, and he very calmly opened the packet of biscuits and ate one. Mr. Adams was annoyed but remained silent, and he ate a biscuit. The other man then ate a biscuit, followed by Mr. Adams eating another biscuit. Mr. Adams was still annoyed, but he made an effort not to glare at the other man. When it was time to leave, Mr. Adams stood up, picked up his newspaper—and discovered his packet of biscuits underneath the newspaper.

• Claudiann Hart of Virden, Illinois, once donated a purse to Goodwill, but neglected to take her calling card, money and some important papers out of a zipped-up compartment in the purse first. She immediately called Goodwill, and Ann Clemmons, an employee there, was able to find and return Ms. Hart’s important possessions to her. In a letter to The State Journal Register of Springfield, Illinois, Ms. Hart writes, “Thank you to all the good and honest people working at Goodwill.”

• Christa Miller co-starred as the character Kate in The Drew Carey Show. One day, she complained about an odor in her trailer. She had checked the refrigerator, but the odor was not coming from there. Another co-star of the show, Ryan Stiles, asked whether she had checked the microwave. She had not, and when she did check the microwave, she found roast beef that had been sitting there—and rotting—for over a week.

• Terri Elders once enjoyed a delicious blue raspberry treat before teaching, and she was happy that her students were paying very close attention to her as she spoke. Unfortunately, after the class was over, one of her female students handed her a compact and said, “You might want to have a look.” She looked, and she saw that her raspberry treat had turned her lips, tongue, and teeth blue.

• Dancing in an open-air theater has its challenges—bats, for example. Another danger is picnickers. Tanaquil Le Clercq once danced an adagio in an open-air theater in Colorado with a hot-dog wrapper made sticky with mustard clinging to her tights.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

Free davidbrucehaiku #11 eBook (pdf)

Free davidbrucehaiku eBooks (pdfs)

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs)

Free eBook: YOU’VE GOT TO BE KIND

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore: Retellings of Classic Literature, Anecdote Collections, Discussion Guides for Teachers of Literature, Collections of Good Deed Accounts, etc. Some eBooks are free.

Free eBooks by David Bruce (pdfs) (Includes Discussion Guides for Inferno, Purgatory, and Paradise)

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

At Sheffield, Thomas Beecham produced one of the operas in Wagner’s Ring cycle. Unfortunately, as Brünnhilde was singing her farewell song, the curtain came down. Mr. Beecham pressed the bell-button repeatedly, and the curtain went up again, only to come down again almost immediately. Again, Mr. Beecham pressed the bell-button repeatedly, and this time the curtain stayed up until the end of the opera. Afterward, he learned that the individual in charge of the curtain had fallen asleep. When he woke up, it was long after 11 p.m. Since in his experience, no performance had ever lasted that long, he concluded he had slept through it and so he let the curtain down. Hearing Mr. Beecham’s bell-button, he had raised the curtain again, but then he remembered that his wife was expecting him for dinner at 11 p.m., and that she would be angry if he were late. This made him think there must be a mistake somewhere and so he dropped the curtain again.

In the later 1800s and early 1900s, Jacob A. Riis became famous for his photographs of poor people in New York City tenements. His photographs showed How the Other Half Lives—the title of one of his books. In the early days of photography, getting enough light to photograph indoors could be a problem. He used to make a fire in a frying pan and use it to light his flash powder. If that didn’t work well enough, he would shoot a revolver and use the light of its flash to take his photographs. Occasionally, Mr. Riis’s lighting techniques started fires. He once caught his own clothes on fire, and he twice accidentally set fire to buildings. In addition, when a flash went off too close to his eyes, he almost blinded himself. However, his muckraking photographs, articles, and books led to social reforms to help poor people.

George Burns and Gracie Allen had years of experience performing in vaudeville before they started doing their radio show. This long experience came in handy when mishaps occurred on their show. Once, the lights in the studio went out, and no one could read the script. On another occasion, Gracie accidentally dropped her script, and the pages scattered everywhere. Both times, they ignored the script. George simply asked, “Gracie, how’s your brother?” — and Gracie started one of their well-memorized and very funny vaudeville routines.

Every hockey fan knows what a slap shot is, but a backside shot can also score goals. The very first goal scored by the great Stan Mikita of the Chicago Black Hawks came when teammate Bobby Hull unleased a slap shot that went awry. The shot hit Mr. Mikita in the backside, then landed in the net of the opposing team for a goal — because Mr. Mikita had touched the goal last before it went into the net, the goal was credited to him. Fortunately, the other 540 goals scored by Mr. Mikita in his career came in more conventional ways.

Opera/lieder singer Kathleen Ferrier occasionally made mental lapses, forgetting a phrase as she sang. She once forgot some of the words to Handel’s “Where’er You Walk.” So instead of singing, “All things flourish, where’er you turn your eyes,” she sang the only thing she could think of, which was, “All things flourish, where’er they eat the grass.” This normally wouldn’t be too bad, but the phrase which she couldn’t remember appeared three times in the song, and by the time she had finished singing it, her face was bright red.

While Patricia McBride and Edward Villella were dancing the balcony scene from Romeo and Juliet to Prokofiev’s music as performed by the Pittsburgh Symphony, the conductor set the tempo way too slow, forcing Ms. McBride and Mr. Villella to dance ahead of the music and to finish dancing before the music stopped. What to do? Ms. McBride started to bourrée off stage on pointe, but Mr. Villella grabbed her wrist and pleaded, “Patty, just stay with me.” The two then improvised—well—a few minutes of dance.

While the Old Vic Company was performing Twelfth Night in Philadelphia, problems arose because members of the cast frequently got lost between the dressing rooms and the stage in the large, unfamiliar theater, forcing the other cast members to improvise while waiting for an absent actor. While Judi Dench was onstage as Olivia, she said her line, “Get ye all three into the box-tree. Malvolio’s coming down the walk.” Actor John Neville made her laugh when he whispered, “Wanna bet?”

Before defecting to the west, Natalia Makarova had great trouble with the 32 fouéttes in Swan Lake. Of course, they are supposed to be performed in one spot, and the ballet dancer ought not to travel around the stage while spinning, but Ms. Makarova remembers that at her first attempt at them on stage she travelled so far that she ended up in a rear wing where she could not be seen by the audience.

Kristen Bell, star of the TV series Veronica Mars, says that she once “fell madly in love” with Saturday Night Live star Amy Poehler because of her petiteness and sense of comedy. On a red carpet, she saw Ms. Poehler’s then-husband, actor Will Arnett, and told him, “I’m absolutely in love with your wife.” He replied, “I’m so glad you didn’t say me. That would have been awkward.”

Not all volcanic eruptions are swift. In Hawaii, one volcano emits molten lava slowly. In fact, residents on the island have plenty of time to leave their houses and move their household possessions out of the line of lava. In some cases, people sit on lawn chairs and drink cold beer from a safe distance as they watch the molten lava flow upon and destroy their houses.

When a batter popped up down the third-base line, both catcher Yogi Berra and third baseman Clete Boyer of the New York Yankees ran to catch it, but collided together, letting the ball fall safely to the ground. Clete asked Yogi, “What’s the matter, Yogi? Couldn’t you yell for it?” Yogi replied, “Sure, but I thought you could hear me waving at you.”

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

David Bruce’s Amazon Author Bookstore

http://www.amazon.com/David-Bruce/e/B004KEZ7LY/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/bruceb

David Bruce’s Apple iBookstore

https://itunes.apple.com/ie/artist/david-bruce/id81470634

David Bruce’s Barnes and Noble Books

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/david-bruce

David Bruce’s Lulu Bookstore (Paperbacks)

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/brucebATohioDOTedu

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

Because of a mishap, Edward Villella began to take ballet lessons. While growing up in Queens, he was very athletic and played many games. One day, while playing Running Bases, he was hit in the head with a ball and knocked unconscious. The children he was playing with picked him up, carried him to his home, put him down, rang the doorbell, and ran. He woke up healthy, but his mother felt bad because she had not been at home when the children rang her doorbell; instead, she had been with Edward’s sister, who was taking a dance lesson. Therefore, the next time his sister had a dance lesson, his mother took him along, too. The dance teacher felt that Edward’s presence would be distracting to her students unless he was also taking dance lessons, so he began to take lessons. Later, his sister auditioned for and was awarded a partial scholarship with the School of American Ballet. When SAB administrator Natalie Molostwoff found out that the new partial-scholarship dancer had a brother who was taking dance, she was very interested: “He’s a boy? Can he walk? Bring him!” Young Edward auditioned for the SAB and was awarded a full scholarship, and of course he became a star dancer for the New York City Ballet.

Jason Mewes is the comedic genius who plays the uninhibited foul-mouthed Jay to movie writer-director-actor Kevin Smith’s Silent Bob in such movies as Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. Jay and Silent Bob made a short but memorable appearance in the excellent film Chasing Amy. Since Mr. Mewes had not been acting for a while, Mr. Smith worried that he would not have his lines memorized, so Mr. Smith told his crew that they might be working for a while, perhaps filming Mr. Mewes performing one line of dialogue, then pausing as he memorized the next line so he could perform it, and so on. However, when it came time to record the scene, Mr. Mewes sailed through his dialogue with no problems whatsoever, and it was Mr. Smith who kept forgetting his lines. Afterwards, the crew teased Mr. Smith, saying, “Oh yeah, Kevin, we better watch out for this Mewes character; we’re gonna be here all night.”

Emily Yoffe, a columnist for the online magazine Slate, had the misfortune, along with her young daughter, to get lice—which is common in elementary school. She vigorously attacked the lice with Nix cream and special combs, but of course it took time to eradicate the lice. After she and her daughter spent two hours treating their scalps with insecticides and thorough combings, they ate dinner. At one point, Ms. Yoffe tossed her hair and a louse fell on the tablecloth. Her husband commented, “You are one classy lady.” Of course, things would have been better if she and her daughter had been males; that way, they could get crew cuts. In fact, Ms. Yoffe had earlier told her daughter that a male classmate of hers had looked cute with a crew cut. Her daughter had replied, “Mom, it’s not a hairdo; it’s because of lice.”

Back in 1967, a TV commercial for Colt 45 Malt Liquor showed an impassive man named Billy Van seated at a table in a bullring as a matador fights a bull. The bull charged Mr. Van and the table, crashing him into a wall. In a close-up, Mr. Van dusts himself off impassively, sits down at the table impassively, and pours himself a glass of Colt 45 Malt Liquor—which makes him smile. The stunt with the bull was unplanned—the bull was supposed to ignore the man at the table and concentrate instead on the matador fighting him. Actually, the man at the table was not Mr. Van; it was another matador dressed as Mr. Van, who appeared only in the close-ups. The owner of the bullring told the TV film crew, “Don’t worry. If de matador dies, I get you another one.” Fortunately, the matador did not die.

When Merrill Ashley was a young student at the School of American Ballet, she had the chance to dance in a workshop before an audience. Alexandra Danilova told all the dance students, “Remember, you have to play to the balcony. Don’t forget.” Young Merrill thought that she knew what the advice meant, so she held her head high and looked at the balcony the entire time she danced. Afterward, Diana Adams told her, “I never noticed it before, but you have this strange habit of holding your head really high when you dance, as though you’re looking up at the ceiling.” Merrill quickly corrected this “habit.”

In the 1946-47 ballet season in Paris, Violette Verdy—then a young teenager—performed as a sylph in La Sylphide along with other young teenagers. Unfortunately, during a scene in which the sylphs flew, her high-wire apparatus malfunctioned, leaving her hanging in the air with only her feet visible to the audience for 15 minutes. However, her ballert teacher, Madame Rousane Sarkissian, complimented her: “You pointed your feet very well, anyway!”

Actress Shelly Winters could be very outspoken. At a Chicago Film Festival, she met Mayor Richard Daley. Amazed at how young he looked, she was positive that he had had plastic surgery done. Therefore, she commented, “You look great. You haven’t aged a day since I met you 20 years ago. Who does your work?” Of course, she was unaware that 20 years ago she had met then-Mayor Richard J.Daley, and she was now talking to his son: Richard M.Daley.

World-renowned cellist Yo-Yo Ma is a busy man—so busy that in October of 1999 he left his $2.5 million Montagnana cello in the trunk of a New York taxicab. Fortunately, he had a taxicab receipt, so police located the taxicab quickly. The cello was still in the trunk—the taxicab driver had not even realized that it was still there.

Even very good musicians can have an off night. A team of musicians led by jazz saxophonist Branford Marsalis once mightily messed up “April in Paris.” After they had “played” the song, Mr. Marsalis announced to the audience that they had just heard “April Embarrassed.”

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

David Bruce: Mishaps Anecdotes

When she was a student nurse, Ethel Gillette went to a hospital for her first clinical. She took care of a patient, and all went until the patient said, “I want my robe, please.” Three robes were hanging in the closet, but the patient said, “No, dear — I want the blue one I had on before my bath. It’s my favorite because it’s the last gift my niece gave me. She was killed in an automobile accident a year ago.” Ms. Gillette thought, and she realized that she had gathered the blue robe along with the bed sheets and she had put everything down a laundry chute. She knew that the bleach used at the hospital would ruin the robe. She said, “Would you excuse me, please?” Then she went to her instructor and asked to take a break. Just by looking at her, her instructor knew that something was wrong, and she asked, “Gillette, what did you do?” Ms. Gillette explained the situation, and her instructor said, “All right — run. Find the nearest stairway and run down to the basement.” It took her a while to find the laundry room, and it was filled with soiled linen, but she realized that it would be impossible to replace the blue robe because of its sentimental value. She kept opening up bags of soiled linen, and each time she opened up five bags of soiled line, she thought to herself, Just five more, and I’ll quit. The 35thbag of soiled linen held the blue robe. She took it back to the patient’s room and laundered it by hand and hung it over a towel rack to dry. She writes, “I went back in [the patient’s room], explained what had happened and we both had a good laugh; hers from amusement, mine from relief.”

When Jon Scieszka, who would later be an author of books for young people, was a kid, he and his older brother Jim often got in trouble. For example, their mother told them not to wrestle in the living room because they would break something. Ignoring her warning, they wrestled in the living room, and they broke the front two legs of the couch. Jon was plenty worried about what would happen when their mother found out, but Jim said, “Don’t worry. I know exactly what to say.” Their mother found out, and she asked them, “What happened to the couch?” Jim replied, “Jon did it.” Jim and Jon shared a bedroom in the basement, which sometimes got cold, so they sometimes used an electric heater. One day they got the idea that they could put out the electric heater the same way that they put out campfires—by peeing on it. The air filled with a nasty odor of fried urine, and they unplugged the heater and opened the windows wide on a freezing day. Jon says, “And whenever our mom asked us about the heater, we said we didn’t really need it anymore.”

Costume designer Edith Head and actress Bette Davis worked together in many films, with good results. Still, mishaps occurred. Fortunately, the mishaps sometimes resulted in improvements to the costumes. For the film All About Eve, Ms. Head designed a dress with a square neckline, but when the dress was finished (the night before the scene was to be shot, due to a tight deadline) and Ms. Davis put it on before filming a scene, the neckline was too big for her. To fix the dress would take time, and that meant that filming the scene had to be delayed. However, Ms. Head told Ms. Davis that she would tell the director, Joe Mankiewicz, what had happened. But Ms. Davis called Ms. Head back before she left the dressing room. Ms. Davis had pulled the neckline of the dress off her shoulders. She asked Ms. Head, “Don’t you like it better like this, anyway?” Ms. Head says, “It looked wonderful, and I could have hugged her. In fact, I think I did.” Ms. Davis’ off-the-shoulder dress is a well-loved movie costume.

Registered nurse Carol F. Cleland ran a student health center at a college, and she often invited an elderly dean — who sometimes expressed concerns about the sexual activity of the students — to visit, but he never did. The college suffered an outbreak of hepatitis, and several students went to the student health center for injections. The elderly dean also let her know that he wanted an injection. Ms. Cleland gave an injection to a male student who was over 6 feet tall and weighed over 200 pounds. However, the student — with his pants still around his ankles — fainted. Ms. Cleland tried to catch him, but he was too heavy, and she fell down with him on top of her. At that moment, the elderly dean walked in.

When Piper Laurie was a young starlet, her studio sent her to many events. She says, “They were breaking me in, getting me used to people staring at me.” One such event was a medical convention, where she was given a bag and told to help herself to the free goodies. She remembers, “They had all of these medical products. I walked around, and there was nothing that really appealed to me until I saw these little packages, which I thought maybe had bubble gum in them. So I just filled my bag with them. They were actually condoms. The publicity guy saw it with a mixture of hilarity and terror—he confiscated them.”

Opera singers sometimes have jokes that they play on stage. While singing opposite Siegfried Jerusalem in a performance of Tristan at Bayreuth, soprano Waltraud Meier shocked conductor Daniel Barenboim by substituting a line from an operetta for a line from Tristan. She says, “I’ve always wanted to sing that—once! It rhymes better!” In addition, Ms. Meier says, Siegfried Jerusalem, who was singing the role of Tristan, sang about spaghetti in the second act. By the way, no critic noticed.

In 1953, Ohio University basketball player Dick Garrison prepared to go into a game and took off his sweat pants, but instead of running onto the court, he ran to the locker room — he had forgotten to put on his trunks.

***

Copyright by Bruce D. Bruce; All Rights Reserved

***

David Bruce’s Amazon Author Bookstore

http://www.amazon.com/David-Bruce/e/B004KEZ7LY/ref=ntt_athr_dp_pel_pop_1

David Bruce’s Smashwords Bookstore

http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/bruceb

David Bruce’s Apple iBookstore

https://itunes.apple.com/ie/artist/david-bruce/id81470634

David Bruce’s Barnes and Noble Books

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/c/david-bruce

David Bruce’s Lulu Bookstore

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/brucebATohioDOTedu