Tag: Resist Psychic Death

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Names, Old Age

Names

• When Jon Scieszka, who would later be an author of books for young people, was in the 3^rdgrade at a Catholic school, he learned that his class could adopt a pagan baby from another country and give money so the child could grow up Catholic and get an education and have food, shelter, and clothing. As an incentive for the children to raise money for the pagan baby, Sister Mary Catherine announced that the boys would be pitted against the girls, and whichever group raised the most money would be able to name the baby. This motivated the boys, and they raised enough money for the class to adopt two pagan babies, surprising Sister Mary Catherine with their fundraising prowess. Now it was time to name the pagan babies. Sister Mary Catherine suggested, “The names of the apostles — Mathew, Mark, Luke, and John — are very nice.” But the spokesboy for the boys said, “We’ve already decided on our names. We’re going to name our pagan babies Al Kaline and Bill Freehan.” Sister Mary Catherine objected, “But those aren’t apostles.” The spokesboy replied, “Heck, no. They’re the best Detroit Tigers ever. Freehan will definitely hit .300 this year. And Kaline is gonna get 30 homers for sure.” Sister Mary Catherine replied, “Matthew and Mark will be fine names.” And those are the names that she wrote down for the pagan babies. With that, the boys lost interest in the contest, and thereafter the girls always won. Today, Jon knows that in the pagan parts of the world lots of guys are running around with the names Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John; however, he says, “There should be two guys with the coolest names ever. But we got robbed.”

• Light soprano and coloratura Natalie Dessay ran into voice problems. After discovering that she had a pseudocyst on one vocal cord and a polyp on the other, she underwent surgery — twice — to correct the problem. The operations worked. By the way, she is French but prefers “Natalie” to the French “Nathalie” in honor of Natalie Wood. In addition, she has named her three cats Cyst, Nodule, and Polyp.

Old Age

• Quite a few people are surprised to see that they have grown old. Peg Bracken once walked into a store with her husband. She looked at the image on the closed-circuit television and thought, “That’s a pleasant-looking old couple over there.” Then she realized that she was looking at an image of herself and her husband. By the way, Peg once got two tickets to a fashion show and asked a friend to go with her. The friend declined, saying, “They make me feel old and ugly and fat and broke. Why do you go?” Peg replied, “It makes my feet feel good to watch the models teeter around in the high heels. I bet they can’t wait to take them off.” In her old age, Peg sometimes thought of what her last words should be. Her research on last words turned up her absolute favorite: Doris Medina, the mother of author John J. Medina, said, “Will you please turn off the television?”

• Barbara Klassen’s great-great uncle lived to be 106 years old. During that time, he was healthy and happy and he served as a chauffeur to help other old but less-healthy senior citizens get around. On his 100^thbirthday, his driver’s license needed to be renewed, but a clerk asked him, “You’re 100 years old. What do you need a driver’s license for?” He answered, “Somebody has to drive the old folks around.”

• When cellist Pablo Casals was 95 years old, opera singer Plácido Domingo visited him. He was pleasantly surprised to find that Mr. Casals, despite his frail old age, was busy studying the score of Mendelssohn’s A Midsummer Night’s Dream.

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Music

Music

• Otto Klemperer concentrated on the music while he was conducting. Once, he was conducting a Beethoven symphony at the Royal Festival Hall in London when his violinists noticed that the famous conductor’s fly was undone. The first violinist attempted to get Mr. Klemperer’s attention by rolling his eyes, and at a break in the music, Mr. Klemperer asked what was wrong. After hearing that his fly was undone, Mr. Klemperer merely asked, “What’s that got to do with Beethoven?”

• Feodor Chaliapin admired Enrico Caruso, and as a tribute to him, he once wrote a glowing appreciation on the walls of Mr. Caruso’s dressing room at the Metropolitan Opera. Of course, this was greatly prized by the Metropolitan Opera, and for years the tribute was not touched — when the room had to be painted, the painters painted around the tribute.

• Sir Thomas Beecham once had to cancel a week of rehearsals for a concert at which Brahms’ Second Symphony would be played. This made a young musician nervous because, as he told Sir Thomas, he had never played Brahms’ Second Symphony before. Unperturbed, Sir Thomas replied, “Then you’ll just love it when you play it at the concert.”

• Mrs. Elizabeth Billington, a soprano, once received a wonderful compliment from Franz Haydn, who saw a painting that Joshua Reynolds had created of Mrs. Billington. Haydn told the painter, “You have made a mistake. You have represented Mrs. Billington listening to the angels; you should have made the angels listening to her.”

• The BBC Orchestra was and is composed of truly fine musicians. Once, Arturo Toscanini led them in a rehearsal of a new piece of music by Vincenzo Tommasini. The musicians sight-read the music so well that Mr. Toscanini, astonished, said to them, “I do not understand — how can you have seen this music before?”

• Sir Thomas Beecham was a feisty conductor. When he was old, he conducted the Chicago Symphony Orchestra in Delius’ “Brigg Fair,” and he sang along with the orchestra. However, he heard the audience coughing, and he suddenly turned around and shouted, “Be quiet! I can’t hear myself sing!”

• In Richard Strauss’ AlpineSymphony, a passage of music portrays a storm. During a rehearsal conducted by Mr. Strauss, the first violinist dropped his bow. Mr. Strauss stopped the rehearsal, saying, “Gentlemen, may we pause briefly? Our leader has lost his umbrella.”

• Ludwig van Beethoven once lived in a house on whose window shutters he made musical notations. After the famous composer moved out of the house, the landlord auctioned off the shutters.

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Music

Music

• Soprano Frances Alda gave many concerts throughout the United States during her life, and sometimes she ran into travel problems. Once, a blizzard kept her from reaching a destination in time for a concert, and since she knew she could not sing on the day she was scheduled, she telegraphed to say that she would sing the following day, which happened to be Sunday. This shocked a local clergyman, who wrote to the town newspaper that holding a concert on Sunday was a sin. Ms. Alda also wrote a letter to the town newspaper to say that she also preferred to rest one day out of seven. However, she added, if God had to choose between the singing at the clergyman’s church and the singing at her concert, there wouldn’t be much difference — unless God truly had a musical ear, in which case He was much more likely to choose her concert.

• Conductor Arturo Toscanini never gave encores. While giving the first performance of Euryantheby Carl Maria von Weber, Toscanini was at first pleased by the applause of the audience following the overture. However, the audience kept applauding and demanding an encore. For 10 minutes, Toscanini stood with his back to the audience, and he grew angrier and angrier because he wished to proceed with the performance. Finally, he turned around, screamed “No bis[encore]” to the audience, broke his baton and threw the pieces at the audience, then left the stage. The première was postponed until the following week.

• When Ignaz Joseph Pleyel came to Vienna from Paris, his newest string quartets were played at Prince Lobkowitz’s. Beethoven was in the audience, and after the string quartets were played, he was asked to play. After being coaxed for a long time, he finally consented angrily, and sat at the piano with the music from the second violin part of one of Pleyel’s quartets in front of him. He improvised for a long time, using the notes of the music of the second violin, and when he was finished, an astonished Pleyel kissed his hands.

• At one time, opera/lieder singer Kathleen Ferrier had trouble producing a top A note. Therefore, for one of her performances at Glyndebourne, Benjamin Britten wrote for her an F sharp instead of a top A. However, during her performance he was startled when she produced the top A. Later, she confessed that she had gotten excited and forgotten about the F sharp. After that performance, she continued to sing the top A.

• The night before the premiere of Don Giovanni, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart was having a good time at a party when the conductor rushed in looking for him. “Where is the overture?” the conductor asked, anxious because so little time was left for rehearsing it. “Don’t worry,” Mozart said. “It’s all up here, in my head.” During the rest of the night, Mozart wrote out the overture and in the morning he gave it to the copyists. (Even so, the overture arrived at the theater only a half-hour before opening, and no time was left to rehearse it.)

• Leopold Stokowski once surprised his Philadelphia Orchestra by meticulously rehearsing Johann Strauss’ “Blue Danube” since it was not scheduled to be played at any concert that year. The mystery was explained when Maestro Stokowski was in the audience for a summer concert by the Philadelphia Orchestra, which was being guest conducted. Maestro Stokowski was asked to conduct something, and after making a pretense of reluctance, he conducted the orchestra in Strauss’ “Blue Danube.”

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Music

Music

• Some people who hear punk music think that it is created by no-talent musicians who can’t even tune their guitars. Sometimes, they are right. One of the punk singers with no discernible talent was a nutter named Jon the Postman because his name was Jon and he was a postman. According to punk critic Steven Wells, “He got on stage and screamed his way through whatever song came into his head. He had no discernable talent whatsoever, but he didn’t give a f**k. To many, Jon the Postman symbolized what punk was all about.” What does that mean? It means that punk is all about doing it — now. If you wait to get on stage until you’re good enough to get on stage, you might never get on stage. So get on stage. Mr. Wells writes, “Jon the Postman did it. He got on stage, and he put out records. And everyone who ever saw him perform or listened to his music laughed like a drain. And then thought — ‘F**k! If hecan do it, so can I.’ Jon the Postman wasn’t anybody special. He was just a postman called Jon. But in 1976 and 1977 he lived his life as if he were a superstar. Jon the Postman WAS punk rock.”

• Ian Svenonius, a member of the Washington, D.C., punk bank Nation of Ulysses, was once named Sassiest Boy in America by Sassy, a magazine for North American teenage girls. As his reward, he stayed two days in New York City, hung out with Sassystaff, got a Magic 8 Ball, and was allowed to take what he wanted of Sassy’s collection of CDs that the staff did not want. Sassywriter Christina Kelly mentioned to Ian’s friend Calvin Johnson that she thought that Chia Pet would be a good name for a band, and Calvin told her that she should start a band with that name. The following week she received a phone call from Calvin telling her that Chia Pet had a gig opening at Bard College for Ian’s Nation of Ulysses and for Beat Happening (Calvin’s own band). Christina rose to the challenge. She and some other Sassyemployees and friends started the band Chia Pet and played. Calvin had not told Bard College anything about Chia Pet except that they were a New York band, and people at Bard College were excited when they recognized the Sassyemployees in Chia Pet.

• Henry Rollins had some interesting and weird experiences as lead singer of hardcore group Black Flag. Sometimes, the band would go such long distances to get to their next gig that band members peed out the window rather than stop at a gas station. Sometimes, Mr. Rollins would go outside on a break from performing and find it hard to get back in to perform because the bouncer didn’t think that he was in the band. Once, while in Minneapolis, Minnesota, he went to a used record store and heard a man tell a woman, “This place is great! I found the first Black Flag album for three bucks last week!” The woman replied, “Three bucks? I’ll give you mine for free.” And once he attended a Grateful Dead concert that he enjoyed very much — even the police officers were enjoying themselves and throwing Frisbees. One police officer looked at Mr. Rollins and said, “Nice tattoos. If you ever get bored, you can read yourself.”

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Money

Money

• A Rabbi who was very critical of the rich used to tell this story. When Moses came down from Mount Sinai, he was carrying the two tablets on which the Ten Commandments had been engraved, but when he saw the Israelites worshipping the Golden Calf, he broke the tablets. Because the tablets were decorated with costly jewels, the rich grabbed the largest pieces of the tablets, while the poor — crowded out by the rich — grabbed the smallest pieces. When they looked at their pieces of the tablets, the rich read, “Thou shalt … murder” and “Thou shalt … commit adultery.” However, on their pieces of the tablets, the poor read, “not … not … not.” That is why the rich can get away with everything, while the poor are allowed to do nothing.

• A wealthy merchant once offered a dervish a thousand pieces of gold; however, the dervish asked the merchant questions before accepting the money. The dervish asked if the merchant had more money at home. The merchant answered yes. The dervish then asked if the merchant wanted twice as much as the amount of money he already had. Again the merchant answered yes, adding that every day he prayed to God to give him more money. Hearing that, the dervish said, “I can’t accept your money because a rich man can’t accept from a beggar. I am rich because I am satisfied with what God gives me, while you are poor because you are always begging God to give you more.”

• During bull markets, baseball players often become fascinated with the stock market, and back when railroads were a major means of passenger travel manager Casey Stengel was pestered by players asking him for stock-market tips. The fascination with the stock market was keeping the players from being fascinated with baseball, so after a pitiful practice Mr. Stengel called a team meeting and informed his players that he had a stock-market tip for them: “Buy railroad stock. I’m going to [fire and] ship out so many of you guys that the railroads are bound to increase their profits.”

• Even early in his career, conductor Leonard Bernstein could be outspoken. After hearing a politician congratulate the city of New York for supporting such a fine organization as the New York City Symphony Orchestra, Mr. Bernstein yelled, “FRAUD!” He then explained that New York City did not contribute even a penny toward paying the orchestra’s bills.

• Al Capp became successful with the comic-strip Li’l Abner. In fact, the comic strip was immediately popular and so the Boston Globepublished an article about him. This did have one unforeseen result, however — all the art schools that Mr. Capp had studied at sent him bills for his unpaid tuition! (He paid them all.)

• A few days before he died in July of 1833, William Wilberforce was made immensely happy because England decided to free its slaves. “Thank God,” he said, “that I have been suffered to live to see this day when England is ready to sacrifice twenty millions of pounds sterling [in payments to slave-owners] to emancipate her slaves!”

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Money

Money

• A man lived near Rabbi Zusya. Because the Rabbi was very poor, the man gave him money each day so that the Rabbi could buy the necessities of life for himself and his family. Because of this, God rewarded the man handsomely. The man then thought, If God rewards me handsomely for what I give to Rabbi Zusya, wouldn’t God reward me even more if I were to give money to Rabbi Zusya’s master, who is an even better man than Rabbi Zusya? The man gave money to Rabbi Zusya’s master, but the man then suffered financial misfortunes. Therefore, the man went to Rabbi Zusya and asked why this had happened. Rabbi Zusya answered, “As long as you gave to those who had need, and did not worry about their worth, God did the same. But when you sought to give only to those who were worthy, God did the same.”

• During an audience that Pope John XXIII gave to several priests, he noticed one German priest who stood out because of his excellent clothing. As he discovered through the priest’s answers to his questions, the priest came from a diocese of millionaires. As the two men talked, the priest volunteered information about how he was able to coax the rich people in his diocese to give generously during the collection at Mass. Before each collection, the priest always said, “When the basket goes around, I don’t want to hear any clinking, only rustling.” This information made Pope John XXIII sad. He told the well-dressed priest, “Do you know, dear friend, that when poor men sacrifice a coin of theirs, that a part of their heart goes into the collection basket with it? … That’s the reason I would rather hear clinking.”

• One day, Nasrudin saw a beggar who asked him for money. When Nasrudin asked what the beggar needed the money for, the beggar replied that he wanted money to buy himself new clothing, to take his friends to a good restaurant for a good meal, and to finish the evening by taking his friends to a coffeehouse. Therefore, Nasrudin gave the beggar a coin of great value. Soon, another beggar came to Nasrudin and asked for money. When Nasrudin asked this beggar what he needed the money for, the beggar replied that he wanted to buy some bread and cheese. Nasrudin asked whether the beggar wanted some new clothing and to treat his friends to food and coffee, but the beggar replied that he had simple tastes and spent most of his time praying. Therefore, Nasrudin gave this man a coin of small value.

• Dr. Alfred G. Robyn, the noted Bach authority, composer, organist, and pianist, once went to a dentist for bridge work. The dentist was pleased to discover that his patient was a famous pianist and asked him to serve as accompanist for a series of recitals at which he — the dentist — was singing. Dr. Robyn agreed, but he was surprised when, after the recitals, the dentist sent him a bill for the dental work, itemizing such tasks as “examining teeth, cleaning teeth, preparing teeth,” and so on. In response, Dr. Robyn sent the dentist his own bill, itemizing such tasks as “opening piano lid, putting music on rack, playing on black keys, playing on white keys, closing piano lid,” and so on. Finally, Dr. Robyn compared the two bills — the dentist’s and his own — and added this P.S.: “You owe me fifty cents.”

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Money

Money

• In 2008, New Zealand bus driver Nomeneta Tuaitau, a Samoan father of two, found a wallet with over $500 in it. He tracked down the owner and returned the wallet and money, and he declined to accept a reward, saying, “I have my family, and I have enough money. I’ve worked as a bus driver for three years, and I enjoy it because I can serve the public.” The wallet’s owner, an English tourist named David Procter, was happy to receive the wallet and the money, especially since he needed the money to do a good deed of his own while visiting Auckland. Mr. Procter said, “I came here on an emergency trip to help an old friend. He is totally blind and deaf and had hit a few hard times. When I got here, he had been made homeless. But we’ve now found him a place to live — he’s back on his feet, and he can rebuild his life. It has been a successful trip, and without Nomeneta’s help it would have been really difficult for me to do this.” Mr. Procter said about Mr. Nomeneta, “This act is heroic. Nomeneta didn’t just hand the wallet in as lost property. He took the time to make sure I was okay, and [he] didn’t want any reward.” Mr. Procter loves New Zealand and says, “Escaping the English winter is one reason, but I also love the space, the scenery, and the Kiwi attitude to life. If I was 20 years younger, I would have moved here.”

• Rabbi Shimon was once asked to address a gathering of rich men, but he agreed only on condition that he be lent 50,000 rubles the day before his address, to be repaid the day after his address. Because Rabbi Shimon was known to be an honest man, this condition was readily agreed to. When Rabbi Shimon gave his address, he spoke eloquently on the evils of the love of money, and many rich men in the audience felt compelled to improve their ways of doing business. The day after his address, Rabbi Shimon, as he had promised, repaid the 50,000 rubles. The people who had lent him the money noticed that the Rabbi was returning the same bills that he had been lent, and they wondered why he had borrowed the money since he had not used it to buy anything. Rabbi Shimon explained that he had borrowed the money because poor people were often intimidated by rich people, but because of the 50,000 rubles he had borrowed, he did not feel poor and so was able to criticize the sins of the rich people in the audience.

• People sin, but they can repent. For example, someone stole a hammer decades ago from Central Contractors Supply Co. in western Pennsylvania. Eventually, the thief repented and sent an envelope containing money and a note to the owners — the Gramling family — of the supply store. The note stated that the writer had stolen a hammer from the family-owned supply store 25 or 30 years ago. The note also stated, “I knew it was wrong, but I did it anyway. Enclosed is $45 to cover the hammer plus a little extra for interest. I’m sorry I stole it, but have changed my ways.” Lots of things have been stolen from the store over the decades, said co-owner Lynne Gramling, but this was the first time that a thief paid for what was stolen. She took the money to her father, also a co-owner of the store. He was ringing a bell for the Salvation Army, and she put the money in his kettle. She said that the money was “really a lot more than a hammer would cost. He was very generous.”

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Mishaps

Mishaps

• When Jon Scieszka, who would later be an author of books for young people, was a kid, he and his older brother Jim often got in trouble. For example, their mother told them not to wrestle in the living room because they would break something. Ignoring her warning, they wrestled in the living room, and they broke the front two legs of the couch. Jon was plenty worried about what would happen when their mother found out, but Jim said, “Don’t worry. I know exactly what to say.” Their mother found out, and she asked them, “What happened to the couch?” Jim replied, “Jon did it.” Jim and Jon shared a bedroom in the basement, which sometimes got cold, so they sometimes used an electric heater. One day they got the idea that they could put out the electric heater the same way that they put out campfires — by peeing on it. The air filled with a nasty odor of fried urine, and they unplugged the heater and opened the windows wide on a freezing day. Jon says, “And whenever our mom asked us about the heater, we said we didn’t really need it anymore.”

• As a student at the School of American Ballet, Merrill Ashley was able to buy at a low price toe shoes that had been rejected by members of the New York City Ballet. She purchased a pair of toe shoes that had been rejected by Allegra Kent, who had small, narrow feet like Merrill’s. She got them ready for a performance at a workshop, tying ribbons to them, and then put them away. Unfortunately, at the time of the performance, she discovered that the shoes were too small — her feet had either grown bigger or had swollen from the hours of lessons and rehearsals. Since they were the only toe shoes she had ready, she crammed them on her feet and danced — earning herself many, many blisters. Still, the pain was worthwhile because dance critic Clive Barnes singled her out for praise in The New York Times, writing, “And one dancer with promise was Linda Merrill.” (This was before she changed her name to Merrill Ashley.)

• Pope John Paul II, nee Karol Wojtyla, was active in outdoor sports as a young man. When he was a Cardinal, he skied too near the Czechoslovakian border, and a military patrol stopped him. Cardinal Wojtyla showed him his papers, but the Communist soldier told him he was in big trouble: “Do you realize, you moron, whose personal papers you have stolen? This trick will put you inside [prison] for a long time.” Cardinal Wojtyla spent a long time persuading the soldier that the papers were authentic because the soldier kept telling him, “A skiing Cardinal? Do you think I’m nuts?”

• At one time, pulpits were custom built to suit the height of the local preacher. This could lead to problems when guest preachers stood up to preach. Foy E. Wallace, Jr., was a short guest preacher at a Church of Christ, but the regular preacher, Rube Porter, was over six feet tall. When preacher Wallace stood in back of the podium, no one could see him, so he said, “If you don’t see me anymore, remember that ‘faith comes by hearing,’ Romans 10:17.”

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David Bruce: Resist Psychic Death — Media, Mishaps

Media

• Not all interviewers are as prepared as they think they are. James Marshall, who wrote and illustrated a series of children’s books about two characters named George and Martha, once was interviewed by a woman on a radio show in Chicago. Before the interview, he asked her, “Do you need any information about myself?” She replied, “No. I’ve done my homework.” Unfortunately, her first question to him on the air was, “What’s it like writing about the First Family?” Mr. Marshall replied, “Well, it’s not that George and Martha.” She then asked, “Who are they, then?” Mr. Marshall replied, “Well … they’re hippos.” As you may expect, the interviewer was completely unprepared to interview him, and Mr. Marshall had to take over the interview.

• Lynne Taylor Corbett was present at a press conference when fellow choreographer Alvin Ailey was asked, “Do you prefer to be called black or negro?” He replied, “I prefer to be called Alvin Ailey, choreographer.”

Mishaps

• When she was a student nurse, Ethel Gillette went to a hospital for her first clinical. She took care of a patient, and all went well until the patient said, “I want my robe, please.” Three robes were hanging in the closet, but the patient said, “No, dear — I want the blue one I had on before my bath. It’s my favorite because it’s the last gift my niece gave me. She was killed in an automobile accident a year ago.” Ms. Gillette thought, and she realized that she had gathered the blue robe along with the bed sheets and she had put everything down a laundry chute. She also knew that the bleach used at the hospital would ruin the robe. She said, “Would you excuse me, please?” Then she went to her instructor and asked to take a break. Just by looking at her, her instructor knew that something was wrong, and she asked, “Gillette, what did you do?” Ms. Gillette explained the situation, and her instructor said, “All right — run. Find the nearest stairway and run down to the basement.” It took her a while to find the laundry room, and it was filled with soiled linen, but she realized that it would be impossible to replace the blue robe because of its sentimental value. She kept opening up bags of soiled linen, and each time she opened up five bags of soiled linen, she thought to herself, Just five more, and I’ll quit. The 35^thbag of soiled linen held the blue robe. She took it back to the patient’s room and laundered it by hand and hung it over a towel rack to dry. She writes, “I went back in [the patient’s room], explained what had happened and we both had a good laugh; hers from amusement, mine from relief.”

• Late one afternoon movie critic Roger Ebert walked across London’s Hyde Park from Kensington Gardens to Hyde Park Corner. Unfortunately, the gates of Hyde Park are locked at dusk as he discovered when he found himself locked inside the park that rainy winter evening. He climbed up a muddy hill, falling twice and getting himself muddy, and he reached a tree that he climbed in an attempt to get to the top of the iron fence. He climbed from the tree to the top of the fence, but the jump down was too unsafe for him to attempt without help. Fortunately, an American boy, who was with friends, saw him: “Hey, look, it’s Roger Ebert! No way! Is that really you?” Mr. Ebert assured the boy that in fact he was Roger Ebert, and he admits that in the situation he was in, “If I had been the Queen, I would have answered to Roger Ebert.” The American boy replied, “Far out,dude! What are you doing up there?” Mr. Ebert answered truthfully, “Trying to get down.” The American boy and his friends helped him down, and Mr. Ebert gave them his autograph, then he returned to his hotel and enjoyed a fire and a hot bath.

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