Sex – davidbruceblog #2

David Bruce: Sex Anecdotes

• Back in the old days, people seldom engaged in PDAs — Public Displays of Affection. Once, an elderly married couple went on a train trip together. Grandpa got hungry, so he jumped off the train at a station to buy some cheese and crackers, but he was late in returning and the train pulled out of the station without him. Frantic, he contacted the station agent, who wired ahead to have Grandma get off at the next station and wait until Grandpa could take the next train and catch up with her. Everything worked out fine, and as their granddaughter tells the story, when Grandpa got off the train at the next station and saw Grandma, “They were so happy to see each other they shook hands.”

• Anna Russell is a famous singer of parodies of opera arias. During one of her early tours, she reached a low point during a lumbermen’s stag night at a hotel in Chicago. The featured performers of the evening were strippers, so when Ms. Russell appeared, the lumbermen began to yell, “Take it off!” However, being a comedian, Ms. Russell responded, “I shall not take it off. I shall put it on!” Then she went from table to table, grabbing tablecloths and wrapping them around her body, and strewing broken glass behind her. She managed to leave the scene with her honor intact, but because of the bill for breakage, she made no money that night.

• Jewish law recognizes the duty of “onah” — regular sexual intercourse between husband and wife. In fact, ancient Jewish law prescribed the minimum requirement of “onah” for couples whose husbands worked at then-common occupations — or who did no work at all. According to ancient Jewish law, people who are wealthy enough to not have to work for a living should have sexual intercourse every day; laborers should have sexual intercourse twice a week; ass-drivers, once every 7 days; camel-drivers, once every 30 days; sailors, once every 6 months. Husbands who don’t fulfill their duty of “onah” can be fined.

• Nooners aren’t new, as this story shows. Al Greene never ate lunch. When he was 20, he got married to a woman with a wonderful shape. The telegraph office where he worked was near his home, so on his lunch break he got on his bike, and pedaled furiously home to his wife. Then, with five minutes left on his lunch break, he climbed on his bike and went back to work. He didn’t eat lunch for a year, and after that year, he continued not to eat lunch because he had gotten out of the habit.

• Henry Cadbury, an early 20th century scholar, professor, and Quaker wit, stayed away from telling risqué humor with one exception. Sometimes he told about staying in a hotel room in which a Bible had been placed. In the Bible was a listing of verses for various problems, including “Worried? See verse so and so. Troubled? See verse so and so. Lonely? See verse so and so.” After the listing for lonely, someone had written: “Still lonely? Call Mabel at 123-4567.”

• The British tongue-in-cheek spy series The Avengerswas noted for its attractive female leads and its incipient feminism. In the episode “Escape in Time,” it appears that Mrs. Emma Peel has been sent back in time. In 1570, she is put in the stocks, then accused of being “a heretic, a bawd, a witch — designed to drive a man to lust.” Hearing this, she replies, “You should see me in 400 years.”

• A couple of old maids lived with their cats. The old maids were very protective of their cats and never let them out. One day, one of the old maids met a man. They fell in love, got married, and went away on their honeymoon. After the wedding night, the old maid who had stayed at home received a telegram from her friend: “I don’t care what you do with your cat, but let my cat out.”

• Dancer Isadora Duncan once propositioned playwright George Bernard Shaw, saying that they should have a child together because he had a wonderful brain and she had a wonderful body. Mr. Shaw turned her down, saying, “Suppose it has my body and your brain?” She also propositioned Maurice Maeterlinck, who also turned her down, saying, “I am honored, Madame, but you must consult my wife.”

• After casting the leads in The Dick Van Dyke Show, Carl Reiner introduced Mary Tyler Moore (who played Mr. Van Dyke’s TV wife, Laura Petrie) to Dick Van Dyke, then joked that since the chemistry between their characters was important to the show’s success, “I would appreciate it if you would go spend the weekend together somewhere.” (They didn’t, of course.)

• Comic writer Robert Benchley knew how to stop sexual harassment. At a gathering in his Hollywood bungalow, a drunk writer was trying to get over-friendly with an absent bandleader’s wife. Just as the writer put his hand on the woman’s knee, Mr. Benchley asked the wife quietly, “I’m sorry. Is my friend becoming offensive?” The writer quickly left.

• A little girl had the habit of sucking her thumb. To get her to quit, her mother told her, “If you don’t quit sucking your thumb, you will swell up and burst.” Later that day, the little girl saw a pregnant woman. She looked at the pregnant woman’s stomach, and then said, “I know what you’ve been doing.”

• Harpo Marx was interested in painting, at one point creating several nudes. He once telephoned a model agency, but he forgot to say that he wanted a nude model. When the model arrived, he asked her to take off her clothes, but she declined, so Harpo stripped to his underwear and painted her as she wore his painter’s smock.

• “I’ll tell you what, I’ll go home to your wife and, outside of the improvement, she’ll never know the difference.” — Groucho Marx.

• Augustine of Hippo — who was later Saint Augustine — once prayed to God, “Give me chastity, but not yet.”

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David Bruce: Sex Anecdotes

• The badger game is a crude form of extortion. In it, a man and a woman work together. The woman seduces a sucker, and the male accomplice — armed with a revolver — breaks into their hotel room at a predetermined time and catches the woman and the sucker in bed, then pretends to be the woman’s husband and threatens to kill the sucker. The sucker — often a VIP — is forced to cough up money to save his life. Once, Wilson Mizner and a female accomplice played the badger game, but Mr. Mizner got drunk and slept past the time he was supposed to break into the hotel room. When he finally woke up, he didn’t have a revolver handy, so he pulled a major bluff. He tore the label off a tomato can, rushed into the hotel room, said the can was filled with nitroglycerine, and threatened to drop it and blow up everyone, including himself. The sucker begged for his life and coughed up $10,000 in gold dust. When the female accomplice asked for her share, Mr. Mizner gave her the tomato can. “What the hell good will this do me? she asked. Mr. Mizner replied, “I don’t know, but it earned me$10,000.”

• A small-town Jew visited a friend who had moved to a big city. “Hello, Dovidl. How are you?” he asked. “Fine, but now my name is Dmitri,” his friend replied. “And how is your daughter Rachel?” the small-town Jew asked. “Fine, but her name is now Regina,” the big-city Jew replied. “And how is your life?” the small-town Jew asked. “Fine,” his friend replied. “Every morning I eat breakfast, then I lie for a while on my verandah. Next I read my mail, then I lie for a while on my verandah. Then I eat lunch, then I lie for a while on my verandah. Then I eat supper, and then I lie for a while on my verandah. So it goes throughout each day. Life is fine.” When the small-town Jew returned home, he was asked about his friend. “He is doing well,” he said, “but he is now called Dmitri, his daughter Rachel is now called Regina, and his wife Leah is now called Verandah.”

• The French can be very relaxed when it comes to sex. English author Douglas Sutherland was dining with two French friends when one said to the other, “By the way, mon brave, since we are such old friends I feel I owe it to you to tell you that I sleeping with your wife.” Mr. Sutherland froze, certain that a fight would break out. However, the other Frenchman replied to the first, “Indeed, mon cher ami. Tell me, is she any good at it nowadays?”

• In the 1930s, Henry Cadbury, a Quaker, was a New Testament scholar at Harvard. A woman professor shocked many people when she divorced her husband and married someone else. At a faculty party that Mr. Cadbury and his wife Lydia attended, the woman professor walked in and Lydia told her husband, quite loudly, “Henry, does thee know that that woman committed adultery?” Mr. Cadbury replied, “I only know, Lydia, that she has not committed it with me.”

• Comedians Paul Rodriguez and Elaine Boosler were getting ready to perform in a prison when guards came by with a prisoner in shackles. Mr. Rodriguez picked up Ms. Boosler and carried her over to the prisoner and asked, “Hey, man, how many cigarettes will you give me for her?” The prisoner replied, “No offense, but I don’t like women anymore; however, I’ll give you a carton if you’llspend the night with me.”

• One of the artworks owned by choreographer Léonide Massine was a drawing by Pablo Picasso which showed a satyr raping a nymph. Mr. Massine’s cleaning woman in London looked at the drawing, then told him, “Either that goes, or I do.” Because he needed a cleaning woman, Mr. Massine packed up the drawing and sent it to his home in Italy.

• Christine Jorgenson was famous because she acquired her sex through a sex-change operation. As a result, she lectured occasionally at universities. Once, comedian Jack Oakie asked what she lectured about. She replied, “Sex,” and Mr. Oakie said, “That makes sense — you had both of them.”

• When Muriel Lillie, sister of comedian Beatrice Lillie, decided to get divorced, her husband was very obliging. He let her claim that he was unfaithful and sent her a telegram listing the names of women he had committed adultery with — the names of the women were completely fictitious.

• A bus stopped and a mother with six sets of twins got on. The bus driver looked at the sets of twin, then told the woman, “You must have gotten twins each time.” The mother replied, “No, thousands of times we didn’t get any.”

• On You Bet Your Life, Groucho Marx asked a beautiful model what her most exciting experience had been, but she couldn’t remember any. Groucho commented, “A model with no exciting memories? What were you modeling — clay?”

• Sam Levenson’s sister Dora once wanted their mother to go to a PTA meeting, but she said she was too busy. Dora pleaded, “There’s going to be an important speaker. She’s going to talk about sex appeal. Mrs. Levenson — the mother of seven boys and one girl — replied, “I already gave.”

• Philosopher Richard Watson once told philosopher Richard Rudner that he had been studying the philosophy of sex for 15 years and that so far he had written only seven pages. Mr. Rudner replied, “Fifteen years is not long enough, and seven pages are too many.”

• According to Sir Rudolf Bing, Mary Garden came to his box at the Metropolitan Opera wearing a low-cut, strapless dress, although she was then an old lady. An even older man asked her, “What makes that dress stay up?” She replied, “Your age, sir.”

• Whenever an obnoxious guy tries to pick up comedian Judy Tenuta, she tells him, “I was looking for something a little higher on the food chain.”

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Ben Jonson’s The Alchemist: A Retelling, by David Bruce

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***

David Bruce: Sex Anecdotes

• People in wheelchairs have sex, too. Julie Fernandez, who played Brenda in the British TV series The Office, is in a wheelchair as a result of being born with very brittle bones. As a young teenager, she thought often about sex and wondered if her disability would ever allow her to have sex—perhaps sex for her would result in broken bones. Eventually, she found a boyfriend and they did have sex together—frequently and with passion. She says, “The first time was painful, but I needn’t have worried about breaking anything. From that moment on we were always bunking off for nookie. We used to sneak back to his house and be at it like rabbits. For me it was a whole new adventure.” Her acting skills came in handy during this youthful affair, which was carried on while she was at Treloar’s, which she identifies as “a specialist boarding school in Hampshire for pupils with physical disabilities.” The staff there kept an eye on the residents, especially when young males and young females spent time together, and one day while Julie and her boyfriend were having sex at Treloar’s, a knock sounded at the door. Julie says, “We went into panic overdrive.” She hurriedly dressed, while her naked boyfriend hid himself. She then hid his clothing and answered the door. The housemaster was showing a couple of guests around, and Julie acted so well that they never realized that a naked teenaged boy was hiding there.

• Some people really enjoy reading books about scandals in the lives of celebrities. One such book is Joan Collins: The Biography of an Icon by Graham Lord. In the book, Mr. Lord states that when Ms. Collins first went to Hollywood she slept with numerous men—so many, in fact, that she was referred to as the British Open. (One actress snarkily said, “Joan’s had more hands up her than the Muppets.”) At one time Ms. Collins supposedly had an affair with director and producer George Englund, but she cheated on him with a Dominican Republic dictator’s son, who bought her a diamond necklace—something that made Mr. Englund jealous. However, Ms. Collins found a way to both keep the necklace and to stop Mr. Englund from being jealous. She had a cheap copy of the necklace made, then to show Mr. Englund that she loved him and only him, she threw the cheap imitation necklace, which he thought was the valuable real necklace, into the Pacific Ocean.

• Near the end of filming the erotic thriller Deception, actor Ewan McGregor had to fake sexual intercourse with five different actresses, none of whom he had met before. This made him tense, but his co-star, Hugh Jackman (who played Wolverine in the X-Menmovies) made jokes. Mr. Jackman, who also co-produced the movie, says that one of the actresses telephoned him because she was worried that she was not in the movie anymore. Fortunately, her scene had simply been rescheduled to a later date. The actress said, “I just want you to know I’ll do anything, and I’m really flexible.’” Mr. Jackman told her that he knew that this was her first movie and it was important to her, but he jokes, “I don’t think she was talking about the scene!”

• Brazilian novelist Paulo Coelho experimented with sex when he was a young man. He had been in mental hospitals, in part because his mother thought that he had sexual problems. This made him think that he might be gay, so he had gay sex three times. The first time that he had gay sex, he was nervous and he did not enjoy it. Thinking that perhaps being nervous had made him not enjoy the experience, he had gay sex a second time. This time he was not nervous, but he still did not enjoy the experience. “Third time lucky,” he thought, and so he tried gay sex again, and he still did not enjoy the experience, so he realized that he was not gay and started pursuing women.

• Gerard Butler has played a lot of macho roles, including that of King Leonides in the beefcake movie 300, which featured great abdominals. This has apparently inspired a lot of lust (or satire) in his fans, as shown by the names of the groups of his fans on Facebook: “Gerard Butler Is My Husband—He Just Doesn’t Know It Yet,” “Gerard Butler Can Impregnate By Touch Alone,” “Gerard Butler Can Make Even Physical Deformity Sexy” (he had the title role in Phantom of the Opera), “Please Have Your Way With My Naked Body, Gerard Butler,” and “Gerard, I Want to Touch Your Butler.”

• At one time, people believed that tenors should refrain from having sex before an important performance. After tenor Jean de Reszke retired from performing and began teaching voice, one of his students asked him his opinion about this belief. Mr. de Reszke replied, “Men ought to stop for two or three days before singing.” The student then asked about the women. Mr. de Reszke answered, “Well, at least they shouldn’t do it on stage.”

• Georges Simenon, creator of the detective Maigret, was a man of big statistics. For example, he wrote approximately 400 works of fiction and he sold over 500 million copies of his books. These facts are verifiable. What is not verifiable is his claim to have had sex with 10,000 women. His second wife did not believe that particular figure—she thought that he had had sex with “no more than 1,200” women.

• Art Linkletter is famous in part because of his interviews with children. For example, he asked an eight-year-old girl, “What is your secret wish?” She replied, “I want to be ten years old all my life.” When Mr. Linkletter asked her why, she said, “Because then I won’t have to know about the birds and the bees.”

• Humphrey Bogart could be cynical about such things as press photographers. Asked if a photographer from Lifemagazine could travel with him and his fiancée Lauren Bacall to the farm in Ohio where they would be married, Bogie replied, “Great. Maybe he’d like to photograph us f**king.”

• Groucho Marx was accused of being obsessed with sex. He replied, “It’s not an obsession — it’s a talent.”

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David Bruce: Sex Anecdotes

Between the fifth and sixth grades, children’s book author Walter Dean Myers picked up a lot of information about female anatomy from his friends; unfortunately, much of the information was not accurate. For example, he learned that if a boy touched a girl’s breasts, the girl could get pregnant. This was believable to him because he had once hit his sister on a breast. She had complained to their mother, and their mother had told him never to hit a girl on a breast. Young Walter thought that his sister had complained because she was worried about getting pregnant.

Lesbian playwright Holly Hughes had a very good reason for writing plays—to get girls. She would write a play that starred the girl she was pursuing. (Of course, Ms. Hughes would play the love interest of the star.) In her introduction to Dress Suits for Hire, Ms. Hughes writes about the difficulty of writing a commissioned play for some people she knew she would not sleep with: “It was hard for me to imagine why someone would go to all the work to write a play if there was absolutely no chance she would get laid as a result. What was the point?”

Lesbian humorist Garbo once shared an apartment with two gay men, who were very open about their sexuality. Sometimes, one of Garbo’s straight friends would come over unannounced, and Garbo would remove a newspaper from the couch only to find gay porn under the newspaper. Once, the landlord showed the apartment to a straight couple. He opened the door to the gay men’s bedroom, where he saw a sex toy lying on the bed. The landlord quickly shut the door, then he told the straight couple. “Let’s take a look at the kitchen.”

Beth Joiner, a children’s dance teacher in Georgia, knows more about the goings-on of her students’ family lives than the students’ parents probably want her to know. For example, one young boy asked her, “Do you know what my sister and I do when my parents go in the bedroom and lock the door?” Miss Beth answered that she did not know, and the boy explained, “We throw the ball in the den—we’re not supposed to.” From this conversation, Miss Beth learned that parents and children can both be naughty.

Early Shakespearean actresses Margaret “Peg” Woffington and Catherine “Kitty” Clive were quite different in morals; Ms. Woffington was sexually adventurous, while Ms. Clive was sexually chaste. Once, Ms. Clive remarked that “a pretty face … excuses a multitude of sweethearts.” Ms. Woffington, who had both a pretty face and a multitude of sweethearts, replied, “And a plain one ensures a vast overflow of unmarketable virtue.”

Marty Brill started as a singer and guitarist, but he went into comedy full-time when the audience laughed at his ad libs after he broke a guitar string while on the Ed Sullivan Show. He used to tell a joke about Adolf Hitler picking up a French woman in Paris in 1940. After sleeping with the French woman, he told her, “In nine months, you’ll have a baby. Call him Adolf.” She replied, “In two weeks, you’ll have a rash. Call it what you like.”

Celebrated homosexual wit Quentin Crisp used to live in a house with several tenants, including a woman who would frequently bring home men and keep everyone up with her screams of sexual ecstasy. Eventually, she turned religious and lectured the other tenants on their lack of morality. Mr. Crisp told her one day, “I think I preferred you when you were a nymphomaniac.”

At one time, a rumor stated that President John Adams had sent General C.C. Pinckney to France so that he could pick out two French girls for himself and two for President Adams. In a letter to William Tudor, President Adams joked about the rumor, “If this be true, General Pinckney has kept them all for himself and cheated me out of my two.”

Some sexist comedians make jokes about forcing their girlfriends to sleep on the “wet spot” following sex. Canadian comedian Meg Soper responds by saying that if her boyfriend ever tries to make her sleep on the wet spot, she is going to give him no further opportunities to make wet spots.

Once, a man was trying to make comedian Margaret Cho have sex with him although she didn’t want to, and he tried to push her into a woodshed. She told him, “Don’t push me in there. There are axes in there!” He thought about what she might do with one of those axes and decided to leave her alone.

Gene Fowler was tending the lawn of his California home when a car drove up to him and stopped, then the driver asked about a glamorous, sexy movie star, “Does Lana Turner live here?” Mr. Fowler looked up and answered, “If Lana Turner lived here, do you think I would be outdoors?”

When playwright Lillian Hellman was a child, she discovered that her father was having an affair, despite still being married to her mother. She was so upset that she went home, climbed her favorite fig tree, and threw herself to the ground, breaking her nose.

Stand-up comedian Greg Dean once followed a redheaded woman comic who did a routine about having kinky sex all night with a stranger. When Mr. Dean went on sex, he looked exhausted and said that he had been up all night having kinky sex with a redhead.

Sometimes people tell lesbian comedian Judy Carter, “You’re a lesbian because you have had bad sexual experiences with men.” She replies, “If that were the case, ninety-nine percent of women would turn lesbian.”

While comedian Jebb Fink was performing live, his microphone suddenly sagged in its holder. Mr. Fink got a laugh by ad-libbing, “Oh, the story of my life. It’s always going limp when I need it most.”

One of Matt Groening’s Life in Hell comic strips featured “What Not to Say During Moments of Intimacy.” One conversational tidbit was “O, My Lord in Heaven, forgive me for this vile sin I am about to commit.”

“My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.”—bumper sticker.

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David Bruce: Sex Anecdotes

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Quaker humorist Tom Mullen once took his family to Old Town, a section of Chicago which he knew as an artists’ hangout, but which unfortunately had been invaded by strip clubs, porno theaters, prostitutes, pimps, and johns. His seven-year-old daughter, Ruthie, was all eyes, staring through the car window and asking embarrassing questions such as “Why isn’t that woman wearing any underwear?” and “What does l-u-s-t mean?” Eventually, she asked, “How come all those men are going into that place?” Mr. Mullen replied, “Ask your mother, dear” — a reply that may possibly be grounds for divorce. However, his wife gave an honest answer: “Those men are buying tickets to see someone’s bare bottom.” Ruthie asked, “Why would anyone pay money to see somebody’s bare bottom?” Indeed. An advertisement asks, “What kind of man reads Playboy?” Mr. Mullen answers that question: “Witty, sophisticated types who pay to see somebody’s bare bottom.”

Reed Smoot was one of the first Senators from Utah. He was a Mormon, and it was rumored that he was a polygamist, although he wasn’t (although he did support polygamy when that was Mormon doctrine). Mr. Smoot’s swearing-in was delayed by a filibuster until another Senator looked at all the philanderers in the Senate, then said, “Gentlemen, I would rather have a polygamist who does not polyg, than a monogamist who does not monog.”

Classy Britons wouldn’t dream of speaking to other people without a proper introduction. When she was a 19-year-old woman, Lady Veronica McLeod sailed to India. During the journey, she enjoyed a night in bed with a young steward, but when he spoke to her the next day, she told him, “In the circles in which I move, sleeping with a woman does not constitute an introduction.”

Columnist Ann Landers once asked her female heterosexual readers whether they preferred cuddling to the act of lovemaking. A majority preferred cuddling. Curious, writer Gail Sausser asked a lesbian friend whether she preferred cuddling to the act of lovemaking. The friend was shocked by the question: “What do you mean? Cuddling is part of the act — sex is affectionate!”

At one time, filmmaker John Waters taught in prison. In a class, the convict-students worked on improvisation. One situation featured a brother and a long-lost sister. They meet in a restaurant, and the brother discovers that his sister has had a sex-change operation and become a man. He asks, “What happened to your tits?” She replies, “Bookends.”

During World War II, Irene Gut Opdyke saved 18 Jews from the Holocaust. She actually hid the Jews in the attic of a villa owned by a German major. One day, the major caught her helping the Jews, and he gave her a choice: either she would willingly sleep with him, or he would turn in the Jews and have them taken to a death camp. She slept with him.

A newlywed couple were on their way to their honeymoon destination when their car developed problems. The groom went underneath the car to try to fix the problem, and the bride went underneath the car to help. Two hours later, a police officer asked them, “Excuse me, but did you know that your car had been stolen?”

Peter Cook and Dudley Moore made the film Bedazzled (1967), in which the voluptuous Raquel Welch played the important role of Miss Lillian Lust. At first, Mr. Cook and Mr. Moore wanted to name the film Raquel Welch, so that they could enjoy theater marquees blazing forth the legend “Peter Cook and Dudley Moore in Raquel Welch.”

When she was a young woman, Alexandra Danilova became upset when some men started lying about having affairs with her. Sergei Diaghilev advised her, “Stop crying. What a nuisance. You should cry when they don’t talk about you — as long as they are talking about you, you are interesting.”

President John F. Kennedy is reputed to have bedded many, many women during his life. Once, a White House maid found something black and silky in the Presidential bed and gave it to Jackie Kennedy. Jackie looked at it, then handed it back to the maid, saying, “Not my size.”

Because of the placement of a woman’s genitals, horseback riding can be a form of sexual pleasure. At least one woman jockey interviewed by Lynn Haney agrees with this claim. The woman jockey said, “Riding enabled me to lose my virginity in the nicest possible way.”

The first real make-out session of Chastity Bono, the lesbian daughter of Sonny Bono and Cher, occurred in a movie. After the movie was over, Chastity’s girlfriend went to the restroom, then told her, “Not only is my underwear wet, but so are my stockings.”

Stand-up comedian Reno can be outrageous. Sometimes in her act she will pretend she is having an orgasm, complete with ear-splitting screams, then say, “At this point, the person you have given your love to could be a radiator for all you care.”

Jennifer Camper is a lesbian cartoonist whose cartoons sometimes make men think that she is a dominatrix. Occasionally, these men call her to set up a date, but since she is not a dominatrix, she tells them that they can’t afford her prices.

While performing, Joan Rivers is known for her complete lack of good manners. On The Tonight Show, while interviewing John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John, who were then dating each other, Ms. Rivers asked, “You’re sleeping together, right?”

Eva Gabor used to watch The Tonight Show, starring Jack Paar, every night before dropping off to sleep. When she was a guest on the show, she told Mr. Paar, “You know, Jack, I go to sleep with you every night.”

Actress Tallulah Bankhead used to call all men “Darling.” Why? Because she had difficulty remembering which men she had slept with and which men she had not slept with — yet.

A boy whose father worked away from home told his elementary schoolteacher: “Daddy comes to see Mommy every Sunday and they giggle all night and I can’t sleep.”

A reporter once asked Betty Ford the nosy question of how often she and President Gerald Ford slept together. She replied, “As often as possible.”

On The Newlywed Game, a contestant was asked, “What Beatle song reminds you of your wedding night?” The answer: “A Hard Day’s Night.”

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