Television and Radio – davidbruceblog #2

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio — Writers; Boredom is Anti-Life — Actors and Acting

Writers

• Some of the plots and dialogue on The Dick Van Dyke Show came from real life. The episode “A Bird in the Head Hurts!” was about a bird stalking Ritchie to get locks of his hair for her nest. (This actually happened to a neighbor of series creator Carl Reiner.) The advice given to Laura Petrie in the episode — “Let him wear a pith helmet” — was actually spoken by an ASPCA officer. In the episode “Never Name a Duck,” the Petrie family acquires two ducks as pets for Ritchie. (In real life, the Reiner family had acquired two ducks as pets for the children.) One duck died and the other duck soon appeared to be ill. The line about the ill duck — “He looks pale!” — was spoken in real life by Mr. Reiner’s wife, Estelle.

• For a while, Marc Cherry, the openly gay creator of TV’s Desperate Housewives, named every episode after a song title by Stephen Sondheim. This got Mr. Sondheim’s attention, and Mr. Sondheim sent him this note: “Next time you’re in town, give me a call and you can tell me how much you like my work.” (Mr. Sondheim can get away with messages like that because he is so successful and because he is over 75 years old.) In fact, Mr. Cherry did get to have dinner with and spend five hours talking to Mr. Sondheim.

• During the McCarthy era, and for a while after it, many excellent writers were blacklisted, meaning that they could not work in the entertainment industry. In practice, however, many of these writers continued to work, but their work appeared under the names of other people. For example, a blacklisted writer wrote an episode of The Andy Griffith Show, but the writer’s name listed on the credits was chosen at random from the Los Angeles phone book.

Actors and Acting

• Actors often know their own limitations. Early in his career, E.A. Southern tried to act the roles of tragic heroes but discovered that he was not very good at them and so performed other kinds of roles on the stage. He once told theatrical critic John Rankin Towse about a conversation that he had had with fellow actor Edwin Booth: “We were talking, among other things, of Will Stewart, the old dramatic critic, and his capacity for apt and cutting definition. By way of illustration I quoted his remark about my Claude Melnotte, that it ‘exhibited all the qualities of a poker except its warmth.’” Mr. Southern then added, “I suppose that my performance was about as bad as anything ever seen upon the stage.” Mr. Booth chuckled and then asked, “You never saw my Romeo, did you?”

• Early in his acting career, Sheldon Leonard competed for parts with Sam Levene because they played similar characters. In a road production of Three Men on a Horse, Mr. Leonard played a comedic part that Mr. Levene had originated on Broadway. During a dress rehearsal, Mr. Levene stopped by — not to watch Mr. Leonard, but to time his laughs to see if Mr. Leonard was getting bigger laughs than he had gotten. After an especially long laugh, Mr. Levene turned to Mr. Leonard’s wife, who was also standing in the back of the theater, and snarled, “What did he do? Drop his pants?

• When British actor Hugh O’Brian was visiting in New York City and feeling prosperous and famous, a woman said to him, “Excuse me, but would you be kind enough to tell me your name?” Mr. O’Brian also felt mischievous, so he replied, “Certainly, madam, my name’s Natalie Wood.” The woman turned to her companion and said, “There you are — I told you I was right.”

• Filmmaker John Waters once received a resume from a 16-year-old boy whose only acting experience was playing the Easter Bunny in a grade-school play. He offered the boy an acting job, but the boy’s parents vetoed his acting career.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

***

Boredom is Anti-Life — Buy

Boredom is Anti-Life — Buy the Paperback

Boredom is Anti-Life: — Buy Kindle

Boredom is Anti-Life: — Buy Apple

Boredom is Anti-Life: — Buy Barbes and Noble

Boredom is Anti-Life: — Buy Kobo

Boredom is Anti-Life: — Buy Smashwords: Many formats, including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Work, Writers

Work

• Comedian Steve Allen once hosted a radio program on KNX, where his boss ordered him to “just play records, and in between do a little light chatter.” Mr. Allen did that, but as time went on, the comedy took up more and more of the radio show, leaving little time for playing records. Therefore, his boss sent him a memo, telling him to stop the comedy and play the records. Mr. Allen read the memo on the air, then argued that anyone could play records but his comedy was original. Lots of listeners agreed with him, and 400 listeners sent in letters supporting him, so his boss told him to go ahead and do his comedy — “But play a little music, OK?

• As a young man, Matt Groening sent cartoons to his friends instead of letters. The cartoons documented his life in Los Angeles, and he titled the cartoons Life in Hell. They were good enough that he collected them in homemade comic books and sold them where he worked — a record store. Eventually, he hit what he calls the “doodlers’ jackpot” of The Simpsons and Futurama. Meanwhile, all of his cartoonist friends who were more talented artists than he stopped creating and got boring, middle-class jobs.

• Emma Caulfield played Anya the former vengeance demon on TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Perhaps it is lucky that she got the job; after all, she admits to being a horrible waitress at a restaurant where she disliked the food. Customers would come in, ask what she recommended, and she would tell them that the food was very bad but the drinks were very good. Her customers ate little, but drank a lot and left her very generous, motivated-by-alcohol tips.

• Comedian Henry Morgan once worked the late shift at a radio station. Among his other duties, he had to read a list of the people who were reported missing. Since he figured that at that late hour, no one was listening to the station, he included the name of his boss among the names of the people who had been reported missing. Mr. Morgan was wrong when he thought that no one was listening — his boss had been listening, so he was fired.

• Robin Williams found out that his TV sitcom Mork and Mindy had been cancelled when he read about it in the trade newspapers — the studio did not even show him the courtesy of calling him on the telephone first before releasing the news to the media. At the time, he was working with fellow comedian Eric Idle in The Tale of the Frog Prince, and he says, “I was so angry and hurt — and I was dressed as a frog!”

• Before becoming famous on Laugh-In, comedian Lily Tomlin worked as a Howard Johnson’s waitress. However, she got fired after grabbing the microphone and announcing, “Attention, diners. Your Howard Johnson’s waitress of the week, Lily Tomlin, is about to make her appearance on the floor. Let’s give her a big hand.”

• During the McCarthy hearings, TV viewers were fascinated. In fact, a TV was rented for employees at The New Yorker but returned after a few days — the staff tended to become so involved in watching the hearings that they forgot that they were supposed to be working on the next issue of the magazine.

• Singer Al Jolson was a very popular guest star on radio programs — he once guested on 10 shows in one week! While he was guesting on the Burns and Allen program, Gracie asked why he didn’t get his own program. Jolie replied, “What? And be on the radio only once a week?”

Writers

• Monty Python member John Cleese once purchased a defective toaster, which made him very angry. He put his anger to use by writing a comedy sketch about his experience. Fellow Python member Graham Chapman often wrote with Mr. Cleese, and Mr. Cleese usually, but not always, ended up doing 80 percent of the work — sometimes he did 95 percent. Nevertheless, Mr. Chapman made some impressive contributions to the sketches. In this case, after Mr. Cleese had written a sketch about a defective toaster, Mr. Chapman said, “It’s boring. Why not make it a parrot instead?” This suggestion resulted in one of Monty Python’s most famous sketches — the Dead Parrot sketch, in which an irate man tries to return a dead parrot to a pet shop, whose owner insists that the parrot is only napping.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Talk Shows, Telephones, Tobacco, Voices

Talk Shows

• An appearance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson could lead to fame and fortune and great success, and so of course many guests were understandably nervous before their first appearance on the TV program. The first time that movie critics Roger Ebert and Gene Siskel appeared on The Tonight Show, one of Johnny’s writers stopped by their dressing room to say that Johnny would be asking them which current movies they liked. It’s a good thing that the writer stopped by, for Mr. Ebert and Mr. Siskel were so nervous that they couldn’t think of the titles of any current movies they liked, although several were playing that they had given thumbs-up to. With their minds completely blank, they brainstormed to come up with the title of a good movie. The only one they could think of was Gone With the Wind, so Mr. Siskel ended up calling their office back in Chicago and asking an assistant to tell them the titles of some movies they liked. (Of course, when they actually went on the show, Mr. Carson, always a master interviewer, put them at ease and everything went very smoothly.)

• Before Mike Douglas’ talk show was nationally syndicated, it was a locally produced show in Cleveland, Ohio. Once, Mr. Douglas decided to bring in a new, very talented singer named Barbra Streisand to appear on his show for a week. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to pay her enough money to live on. Therefore, he found her a singing job for a week in Cleveland, and she was able to make enough money to afford to appear on his talk show.

• Comedian George Carlin once appeared on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson and did an entire routine about the Vietnam War and other socially relevant issues. When he sat down, Mr. Carson said, “Wow! Pretty serious stuff.” Mr. Carlin then explained that he could have spoken about innocuous stuff such as puppies and kittens, but since 5 million people were watching him, he had decided to say something important.

• TV’s Mister Rogers was Fred Rogers, who spoke in real life in the same slow way that he talked on the TV series. Once, Mister Rogers appeared on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, and Mr. Carson was so surprised that Mister Rogers spoke that way in real life that he found it difficult to keep from laughing. Mister Rogers told him, “You want to laugh, don’t you? It’s OK.” And Johnny laughed.

Telephones

• One of the most famous gimmicks in the 1960s TV series Get Smart is the shoe phone worn by Control agent Maxwell Smart. Years after Get Smart went off the air, Don Adams, the actor who played Maxwell Smart, would sometimes stop at a red light, and someone in the car next to his would roll down a window, hand him a shoe, and say, “It’s for you.”

• As the wild-and-crazy character known as The Ghoul, Ron Sweed used to host mostly bad horror movies on a television station in Cleveland, Ohio. The show’s set included a telephone. Whenever The Ghoul had an incoming call, viewers at home heard the telephone emit a loud knock.

Tobacco

• When TV was just becoming popular, cigarette companies sometimes sponsored shows and censored them. For example, when Camel, a cigarette brand, was the sponsor of a news program, it would not allow any “No Smoking” signs to be seen in the program’s news footage, and it would not allow anyone to be seen smoking a cigar — with the exception of Winston Churchill, the Prime Minister of Great Britain.

• W.C. Fields once was on a radio program sponsored by Lucky Strike cigarettes when he told a series of very funny stories about his nephew, Chester. The sponsors were not amused when they realized that Chester’s full name — Chester Fields — was the name of a rival cigarette.

Voices

• Ventriloquist Edgar Bergen and his partner, Charlie McCarthy (sometimes called a dummy, especially by W.C. Fields), wanted to be guests on the radio show starring Rudy Valle. However, an executive scoffed at the idea of a ventriloquist appearing on radio. During the audition, Mr. Bergen forgot his lines and asked for a look at the script. A young man showed Mr. Bergen the script, then started walking away. Suddenly, Charlie McCarthy’s voice rang out: “Let me look at that.” Without hesitation, the young man allowed Charlie McCarthy to “read” the script. The executive’s jaw dropped, and he gave Mr. Bergen his start on radio.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Religion, Respect, Soap Operas, Stunts

Religion

• Billy Graham occasionally appeared on The Tonight Show with Jack Paar, for which he was criticized by people who felt that preachers should not know celebrities. However, Mr. Graham said that Jesus went among the sinners and therefore he could go on Jack Paar’s show.

Respect

• NBC News Washington correspondent John Yang is highly respected, very traveled, and completely gay. He could pass as straight, but he chooses not to, saying, “There are certain things about myself that are immutable, and some of them are obvious. I’m Asian. I mean, anyone who sees me on the air or hears my last name knows that. And in a way, I felt that I can’t pass as not being Asian, so why should I pass as being straight?” Many conservative politicians really don’t care if someone is gay, although you may not be able to tell that from their public pronouncements. After a conservative Republican Senator (unfortunately, not named) read an article in which Mr. Yang’s sexual orientation was mentioned, he called Mr. Yang and said, “John, I saw that thing about you in the magazine. I just want to tell you it doesn’t make any difference to me. You’re still the best d*mned reporter I’ve ever dealt with.” The senator then asked, “I haven’t said anything wrong, have I?” Mr. Yang replied, “No, Senator. You said just the right thing.”

• Marti Noxon was extremely happy when she got a job writing for the first season of the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer, a midseason replacement series on the WB — a network that was then pretty much at the bottom of the TV barrel. Of course, shaking with excitement and happiness, she called her mother to give her the good news, but after she said the names of the series and the network, her mother paused, then said, “Oh, honey, next year you’ll do better.” Another person who didn’t get much respect was Sarah Michelle Gellar, who starred as Buffy. She told all her friends about her new role, but they weren’t impressed. Ms. Gellar said, “You try being on a midseason replacement show on the WB called Buffy the Vampire Slayer and see how much respect you get.” Fortunately, as everyone knows, the series became a cult favorite and stayed on the air for seven seasons.

Soap Operas

• Madeleine L’Engle, author of A Wrinkle in Time, and Hugh Franklin, a professional actor who played a leading role on the TV soap opera All My Children, were happily married for many years. Ms. L’Engle once talked to a taxi driver and speculated about whether her and her husband’s many years of marriage had set a record for the longest-lasting marriage between an author and an actor. The taxi driver turned to her and said, “Lady, that’s not a record — that’s a miracle!”

• During the Great Depression, radio shows of every kind were very popular. Women, of course, enjoyed the soap operas of the day, including Our Gal Sunday. In fact, women could walk around the block in New York City in the summer and not miss a word of their favorite soap opera because every radio would be tuned to it and in the days before air conditioning every window and many doors would be open.

Stunts

• Of course, stunt men and stunt women played an important part in the filming of the 1960s tongue-in-cheek TV spy series The Avengers. However, you may be surprised to read that in some cases stunt men performed the stunts of Diana Rigg, who played Mrs. Emma Peel. For example, in the episode “The Bird Who Knew Too Much,” Peter Elliott performs Mrs. Peel’s high dive into the swimming pool. In many cases, however, stunt woman Cyd Child designed and performed Mrs. Peel’s dangerous stunts.

• In the TV series The New Avengers, actor Gareth Hunt performed a dangerous stunt in which he smashed through a glass window. In doing so, he cut his forehead and began bleeding. His co-star in the series, Patrick Macnee, who played an older John Steed, leaned down to him and said, “Dear boy, the biggest stunt I ever do is getting in and out of the car.”

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Problem-Solving, Quiz Shows, Rehearsals, Religion

Problem-Solving

• Carroll O’Connor, who played Archie Bunker on All in the Family, was a tough negotiator, but so was Norman Lear, who produced the series. According to rumor, whenever Mr. O’Connor didn’t want to do something on the series that Mr. Lear really wanted him to do, Mr. Lear would show him a special script titled “The Death of Archie Bunker.” Because Mr. O’Connor wanted to continue to do the series, he would agree to do what Mr. Lear wanted him to do.

• Nicholas Colasanto played the role of Ernie “Coach” Pantusso on Cheers. Because he was getting older, he had a hard time remembering his lines, but he found ways to cope. For example, he would write his lines on the stage walls and stage furniture. In fact, says Cheers co-creator Les Charles, “If you go into the storage room today and find the old set from Cheers, you can still see Nick’s handwriting on walls and chairs.”

• African-American comedian Jimmie Walker was drafted, but he didn’t want to fight in the Vietnam War. He was very thin, so he didn’t pass the physical, but he was told to gain weight and come back in a few weeks. For the next few weeks, Mr. Walker played basketball in the hot summer sun while wearing a sweatshirt. He then reported for another physical — and beat the draft.

• In the British tongue-in-cheek TV series The Avengers, John Steed, played by Patrick Macnee, was an expert in espionage and counter-espionage, although these activities were the domain of two separate government departments: M15 and M16. No problem. The producers of The Avengers simply made John Steed an employee of Department M15 and a half.

• Breaking into show business can be difficult, but Peter Sellers found an original way of getting a job with BBC Radio. He telephoned a senior BBC producer, then imitated a famous star named Kenneth Horne. The BBC producer heard what seemed to be the voice of Mr. Horne extravagantly praising the then-unknown comedian Peter Sellers.

Quiz Shows

• John Coveney was an artists’ relations manager, and he participated in the quiz segments of the Metropolitan Opera radio broadcasts. Mr. Coveney was known for his quick wit. For example, when he was asked what he most liked about the new house for the Met, he answered, “Not seating latecomers.” And when he was asked what he least liked about the Met, he answered, “Not being able to get to my seat when I’m late.”

• Ava Gardner once appeared on a TV quiz show while she was having problems in her marriage to Frank Sinatra. She was asked, “Are you married?” After answering this question, she was asked, “Are you glad?” This question was followed by a full minute of silence.

Rehearsals

• Audrey Meadows is famous as Alice Kramdon, wife of Ralph Kramdon, brought to life by Jackie Gleason on The Honeymooners. An actress of the theater, Ms. Meadows was used to many and long rehearsals — something Jackie hated because he felt comedic material ought not to be over-rehearsed. According to Jackie, more than one rehearsal was over-rehearsal. In a TV Guide article, quoted in Vince Waldron’s Classic Sitcoms, Ms. Meadows said, “I felt totally unprepared and desperate. Standing in the wings, ready to go on, I’d tell him, ‘You are a simply dreadful man.’”

• Early in his career, comedian Don Rickles guest-starred on The Andy Griffith Show. Of course, he was eager to do well alongside such established stars as Mr. Griffith and Don Knotts. They rehearsed for most of an afternoon, and finally Mr. Griffith said, “Well, I think we’ve rehearsed enough. Let’s go home.” Mr. Rickles pleaded, “No, let’s rehearse some more. You guys have millions of feet of film. All I’ve got are home movies of me and my cousin on a swing.”

Religion

• Actress Robia LaMorte, known for her role as Jenny Calendar on TV’s Buffy the Vampire Slayer, became a born-again Christian after praying for a sign while driving her car on a freeway: “OK, God, you know I believe in You, but I don’t get the whole Jesus / born-again Christian thing. If Jesus really is the way, then you need to show me. If you make it clear to me in a way that I can relate to and understand, then I’ll check it out.” Immediately after she prayed, her car was surrounded by a group of bikers that at first made her think of the Hell’s Angels — until she noticed that the jackets the bikers were wearing had crosses on the back — along with the words “We Ride For Jesus.” She says that becoming a Christian is the best decision she has ever made.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Practical Jokes, Prejudice, Problem-Solving

Practical Jokes

• After Richard Diamond, Private Eye, Mary Tyler Moore went on to The Dick Van Dyke Show. In real life Ms. Moore never made a secret of her dislike for housework, although she was playing Laura Petrie, a near-perfect homemaker. At a party Ms. Moore and her husband gave for her co-workers, Mr. Van Dyke wrote in the dust on top of her refrigerator, “Needs Soap.”

Prejudice

• Sheldon Leonard was the producer of I Spy in the days when few African-Americans were on TV. He wanted to hire the young black comic Bill Cosby to co-star with Robert Culp, but he worried about whether the NBC network brass would approve the deal. So Mr. Leonard armed himself with arguments why signing Mr. Cosby would not alienate the TV audience, then he went to see NBC President Robert Kintner. He told Mr. Kintner that he had in mind a young comic to co-star with Mr. Culp, but that he hadn’t signed him yet. When Mr. Kintner asked why not, Mr. Leonard replied, “Because he’s black.” Mr. Kintner then asked, “What difference does that make?” Relieved, Mr. Leonard said, “As of this moment, Mr. Kintner, it makes no difference whatsoever.”

• Gay deejay John McMullen of Sirius OutQ Radio occasionally visited the late famous homophobe Fred Phelps in Mr. Phelps’ native Topeka, Kansas. One day, while traveling from San Francisco to New York, Mr. McMullen even turned a half-hour, live-radio visit with Mr. Phelps into a fundraiser, telling his audience that he was taking a Sodom to Gomorrah via Topeka Tour and raising several thousand dollars for a charity that Mr. Phelps did NOT support: the Matthew Shepard Foundation

• George Takei, who played Mr. Hikaru Sulu on the original Star Trek TV series, grew up in American internment camps for Japanese-Americans during World War II. He had a teacher who referred to him as “that little Jap boy,” and each morning, he was able to look out the school window and see barbed-wire fences and guard towers as he ended the Pledge of Allegiance by reciting “with justice and liberty for all.”

Problem-Solving

• The opening credits and the exterior shots of early episodes of The Mary Tyler Moore Show feature a beautiful Victorian house where the characters Mary Richards, Rhoda Morgenstern, and Phyllis Lindstrom are supposed to live. The house really belonged to a humanities professor at the University of Minnesota. Unfortunately, after the series became popular, tourists began to ring her doorbell, then ask to meet Mary. When the MTM production crew arrived to take more exterior shots of the house, the professor declined to give them permission, but they started to take the shots anyway. The professor stopped them by hanging a banner outside Mary Richards’ window. The banner made a demand about a then-current political situation: “IMPEACH NIXON.” In later episodes, Mary Richards moved to a high-rise apartment house.

• This is a story that the late central Ohio sportscaster Jimmy Crum liked to tell: Paul Robinson played for the Cleveland Browns under coach Paul Brown. Once he scored a 55-yard touchdown, but instead of heading straight for the goal line, he ran to the other side of the field, then headed for the goal line. When Mr. Brown asked him later why he had run to the other side of the field, Mr. Robinson explained, “Coach, this game is being televised nationally and my folks are watching. The cameras are over on that side of the field, and I knew they’d see me better if I ran over there.” By the way, according to weatherman Jym Ganahl of Channel 4 News in Columbus, Ohio, Mr. Crum used to eat a dozen White Castle hamburgers for breakfast each morning.

• As a young actress newly arrived in New York City, Carol Burnett ran into a problem. She couldn’t get an acting job because she had no experience, and she couldn’t get experience because no one would give her an acting job. She solved the problem by putting on a show with the other young entertainers in her rooming house, which was known as the Rehearsal Club. It worked. Carol and some of the other entertainers got jobs as a result of the Rehearsal Club Revue.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Police, Politics, Popularity, Practical Jokes

Police

• Pianist Oscar Levant once avoided a speeding ticket because he was listening to Beethoven on his car radio. He told the police officer, “You can’t possibly hear the last movement of Beethoven’s Seventh, and go slow.”

Politics

• George Jessel once made a speech on radio in support of the campaign of Franklin D. Roosevelt for President. The other speakers went over their time limits, so Mr. Jessel’s speech had to be quite short. He told the audience, “Ladies and gentlemen, most of my eloquent colleagues have this evening taken up ever so much of their time in expounding the weaknesses and vices of President Roosevelt’s opponent, Thomas Dewey. I shall not and I could not do this. I know Governor Thomas E. Dewey, and Mr. Dewey is a fine man.” As it is not the custom to praise the opponent in politics, a hush fell over the Roosevelt supporters — until Mr. Jessel added, “Yes, Mr. Dewey is a fine man. So is my Uncle Morris. My Uncle Morris shouldn’t be President; neither should Dewey.

• Carol Burnett became very successful in New York City, both on Broadway and on television. She was a hit in her first appearance on The Ed Sullivan Show on August 11, 1957, when she sang the comic song “I Made a Fool of Myself Over John Foster Dulles.” (In real life, Ms. Burnett and Mr. Dulles had never met.) The following Sunday, Mr. Dulles, who was Secretary of State from 1953 to 1959, appeared on Meet the Press. At the end of the program, a reporter asked Mr. Dulles a light-hearted question about his relationship with the young woman who had sang about him on The Ed Sullivan Show. Mr. Dulles smiled and replied, “I make it a point never to discuss affairs of the heart in public.”

• Politicians have long been aware of the all-seeing eye of television. During the Army-McCarthy hearings, Senator Joseph McCarthy wrote a note asking the television camera operators to point their cameras at someone else for a while so that he could blow his nose.

Popularity

• The 1950s situation comedy I Love Lucy was amazingly popular when it appeared originally on Monday. In fact, it was so popular that Marshall Fields department store decided to close on Monday nights, and so it put up this sign: “We love Lucy, too, so we’re closing on Monday nights.”

• The television show I Love Lucy is aptly named. Presidential candidate Adlai Stevenson, who was running against Dwight David Eisenhower, once pre-empted an episode of I Love Lucy, and hate mail poured in to the candidate. One viewer wrote: “I love Lucy. I like Ike. Drop dead.”

Practical Jokes

• In junior high school, Jay Leno used to create havoc in the classroom whenever a substitute teacher appeared on the scene. For example, a classmate named Lewis Trumbore used to help him fake a suicide. Lewis would hold Jay’s shoes outside a window, then yell for the teacher and say, “Come here, quick! Jay Leno’s hanging out this window! I can’t hold on much longer!” Then he would drop the shoes, the other students — who were in on the joke — would scream, and the teacher would look out the window to see Jay lying motionless on the ground. Of course, he hadn’t jumped — he was just playing dead.

• When he was still working for NBC, Late Night talk-show host David Letterman looked out of his office window and noticed Today Show talk-show host Bryant Gumbel filming an interview outside. David being David, he got a bullhorn and shouted down to Mr. Gumbel: “My name is Larry Grossman, I am the president of NBC News — and I’m not wearing any pants.” The interruption ruined Mr. Gumbel’s interview, and he had to film it again, but Late Night fans enjoyed a good laugh.

• Actress Betty White has been on television seemingly forever — and she has had fun doing it. In an early series, Life With Elizabeth, she starred with Del Moore, who enjoyed playing a trick on the director. Between takes, he used to slip his ring off one hand and put it on his other hand. When an episode aired, he and Betty White used to enjoy watching his ring magically jump from one hand to the other.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Money, Music, Police

Money

• In the 1960s, Ernie Anderson played wild-and-crazy horror-show host Ghoulardi in Cleveland, Ohio. After quitting, he moved to Los Angeles, California, where he made big money as a TV announcer. One day, he and his friend Linn Sheldon walked into a studio, where Mr. Sheldon lit a cigarette. Before Mr. Sheldon had finished smoking the cigarette, Mr. Anderson had read four TV promotional spots and made $30,000.

• Comedian Soupy Sales used to collect portraits of United States Presidents and American founding fathers. On his TV show for children, he once told his young viewers to go through Mommy’s purse and Daddy’s wallet and mail him “the little green pieces of paper with pictures of George Washington, Benjamin Franklin, Lincoln, and Jefferson on them.” In return, he promised to send the children a postcard from Puerto Rico.

• The British tongue-in-cheek spy series The Avengers was definitely capitalistic. It even had an Exploitation Manager whose job was to sell product placements — if you had a product you wanted to appear on the series, this was the person you had to deal with.

Music

• Ron Sweed, aka the Ghoul, hosted several mostly bad movies on a television program airing in Cleveland, Ohio, during the 1970s and 1980s. The Ghoul tended to show the same bad movies over and over because the station bought the rights to very few movies. To keep things interesting, The Ghoul used to change the sound tracks. For example, an actress in Attack of the Mushroom People sang a song on a cruise ship. The Ghoul disliked the song, so when she sang, he dubbed in “Gypsies, Tramps, and Thieves” or “Who Stole the Kishka” or some other song instead. And when a disembodied head babbled in The Brain That Wouldn’t Die, he played a song whose lyrics went “PAPA-OOM-MOW-MOW.”

• Early in his career, following a radio broadcast in 1936, Robert Irwin received a fan letter from famed tenor John McCormack. The following year, the non-music firm for which Mr. Irwin worked booked a recital at which Mr. McCormack would sing, and Mr. Irwin was present — although he had not yet met and been introduced to Mr. McCormack — at a press conference which had been arranged for the famed tenor. A newspaper writer asked Mr. McCormack whether any of Ireland’s younger singers were promising in particular. He replied, “Well, there’s a young fella called Irwin ….” Of course, the two were introduced immediately, and Mr. McCormack became Mr. Irwin’s mentor.

Police

• As a child attending the Peninsula School of Creative Education in Menlo Park, California, Wah Ming Chang and his friend Torben Deirup created a life-sized dummy that they used in practical jokes. Once they placed the dummy in a gutter, then hid across the street and watched as some people came out of their house, looked at the realistic dummy, then ran back into their house to call the police. Wah and Torben removed the dummy without being seen, and the neighbors had some explaining to do when the police came. Later, after playing several more practical jokes, Wah and Torben were caught red-handed with the dummy. A police officer sternly told them that if their dummy ever appeared in a gutter again, they would be attending reform school. As an adult, Mr. Chang became an artist and a special-effects wizard for the TV series Star Trek.

• Before starring as the lead actor in TV’s Hogan’s Heroes, Bob Crane was a well-known disk jockey in Connecticut. Because he was a celebrity, police officers in Connecticut sometimes let him go with a warning (and no ticket) when he was caught speeding. When Mr. Crane moved to California, he wanted to continue receiving favors, so he wrote on the back of his driver’s license, “I am a radio star,” where any police officer who stopped him would be sure to see it. Sure enough, he was stopped for speeding, but this time the police officer wrote him a ticket. Across the top of the ticket was written this note: “I am a police officer.”

• When Will Smith was starring in The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, one episode revolved around his character driving around in an expensive car and being stopped by the police because they think it is suspicious for a black man to drive such an expensive car. This episode was based on Mr. Smith’s real life — often the police stopped him because they thought it was suspicious for him to drive such an expensive car.

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Mishaps, Money

Mishaps

• Honor Blackman starred on The Avengers for a couple of years, then left the TV series in order to star as the character Pussy Galore in the James Bond movie Goldfinger. While she was on a promotional tour for the movie, she appeared on KGO-TV, where an interviewer told her, “I’ve covered topless bathing suits, bottomless bathing suits, and now I’ve got Pussy Galore!”

• Julia Child is my kind of cook — very good, but slightly frazzled. One day, while she was cooking on TV, some of the ingredients fell to the floor. She told her TV audience, “If this happens, just scoop it back. Remember, you are alone in the kitchen, and nobody can see you.”

Money

• Jack Paar and Ed Sullivan used to compete for the same guests. Mr. Sullivan paid anywhere from $5,000 to $7,500 for an appearance, while Mr. Paar’s Tonight Show could afford to pay only $320. In an attempt to keep performers from appearing with Mr. Paar, Mr. Sullivan announced that anyone who appeared on The Tonight Show would be paid only $320 for appearing on his show. Of course, many entertainers canceled their appearances on Mr. Paar’s show. However, one entertainer who remained loyal to Mr. Paar was comedian Joey Bishop, who joked on The Tonight Show, “I have one gripe. You told me Sullivan paid only $80. I thought this was the big money.”

• In November of 2007 Hollywood writers went on strike. Why? Ken Levine gave an answer in a column that he wrote for the Toronto Star. He pointed out that he had recently received a check from American Airlines, which had been showing episodes that he had written for Becker, Cheers, and M*A*S*H and that he had directed for Dharma & Greg, Everybody Loves Raymond, and Frasier. He estimates, based on number of years and on number of flights, that American Airlines has shown these episodes 10,000 times. So how much was Mr. Levine’s check for? Nineteen cents.

• In the early days of radio, singers often did not know how much to charge. Because they charged usually by the size of the audience at concerts — a smaller fee at smaller concert halls, and a larger fee at larger concert halls — they thought that they should charge a lot because of the vast size of the radio audience. Opera singer Harold Williams was once asked by Stanton Jefferies what he would charge for a radio broadcast. He said 100 guineas. Mr. Jefferies replied, “We had in mind seven guineas.” (Of course, the radio audience did not pay admission the way the audience at a concert hall would.)

• When Wah Ming Chang and Gene Warren decided to close their firm Project Unlimited, which had created special effects for such television series as Star Trek and such movies as The Time Machine, they advertised an auction of the models and costumes they had created. Bidding was fierce as sci-fi fans acquired memorabilia of their favorite shows, so Mr. Chang and Mr. Warren went to the back and dug through the trash bins to find worn-out puppets and other items that they had been about to throw out, but which collectors eagerly purchased.

• When she was a young woman, Oprah Winfrey entered a beauty contest that she did not expect to win. However, the judges found her answers to their questions original and interesting. For example, the final question asked of the three finalists was, “What would you do if you had one million dollars?” The first two finalists gave unoriginal, uninteresting answers — one would use the money to help her family, and the other would use it to help the poor. Ms. Winfrey’s answer was, “If I had a million dollars, I’d be a spending fool!” She won.

• Charles Correll and Freeman Gosden created and played the roles of Amos ’n’ Andy. Early in their career, they were asked to come to a meeting to discuss a radio program that they might star in. Mr. Correll and Mr. Gosden discussed how much to ask for their salary ahead of time, and they decided that they would be lucky to get $10 a week apiece. Therefore, when they were asked what salary they wanted — and then quickly were offered $125 a week — they sputtered, “Ten — ten — tentatively, yes.”

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF

David Bruce: The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Mishaps

Mishaps

• George Burns and Gracie Allen had years of experience performing in vaudeville before they started doing their radio show. This long experience came in handy when mishaps occurred on their show. One day, the lights in the studio went out, and no one could read the script. On another occasion, Gracie accidentally dropped her script, and the pages scattered everywhere. Both times, they ignored the script. George simply asked, “Gracie, how’s your brother?” — and Gracie started one of their well-memorized and very funny vaudeville routines.

• Archeologist Brian Rose lectured in 1996 at Ohio University, where he told this story about excavating the site of Troy in Turkey: At the site is a huge wooden horse that was built by the BBC for a documentary on the Trojan War. Today the horse is a tourist attraction, as people can go inside the horse and look out through shuttered windows. One day, members of Mr. Rose’s crew were inside the Trojan horse smoking with the shutters closed. This alarmed the Turkish security guards because they noticed smoke coming out of the horse’s nostrils.

• British broadcaster Magnus Magnusson once invited some archeologists to appear on his television program because they had discovered evidence that the headquarters of the Roman fleet in Britain (Classis Britannicus) had been located at Dover. The most important evidence they had found was a red slate marked with the Roman initials “C.B.” The archeologists brought the red slate with them and handed it to Mr. Magnusson, who promptly dropped it, breaking it in two, in between the initials.

• While working as a co-anchor at WJZ-TV in Baltimore, Maryland, Oprah Winfrey ran into problems when the assistant news director decided to change Ms. Winfrey’s appearance. Ms. Winfrey went to a beauty parlor and got a permanent, but it made all of her hair fall out. She was totally bald! Worse, she couldn’t find a wig that fit while her hair grew back, so she was forced to wear scarves. She said, “All my self-esteem was gone. My whole self-image. I cried constantly.

• Ralph Edwards used to surprise celebrities on his TV show, This is Your Life, in which he would bring on friends and family of the celebrity to reminisce about the celebrity’s life. Many celebrities — but not all — enjoyed this. Newsman Lowell Thomas was one who did not. On air, he referred to the proceedings as “a sinister conspiracy.” When Mr. Edwards said to him, “Lowell, I know you are going to enjoy tonight’s surprise,” an irritated Mr. Thomas replied, “I doubt it.”

• In one episode of The Dick Van Dyke Show, Mary Tyler Moore (who played Laura Petrie) was required to make some eggs. The scene was supposed to last five minutes, but unfortunately the actors worked faster than that, and when the eggs were supposed to be done, they were runny. According to Ms. Moore, “It was quite a problem — what I really needed was a soup bowl! But Dick ate them, bless him, and only turned a little green.”

• The first episode of The Simpsons was supposed to air on Fox in the fall of 1989, but it was delayed because its executive producers — Matt Groening, James L. Brooks, and Sam Simon — discovered that the first episode contained several unauthorized tasteless jokes. (Apparently, authorized tasteless jokes are OK.) The Simpsonspremiered as a Christmas special in 1989, and the actual series started in January 1990.

• Tracey Ullman is a comedian who is known for her ability to create characters with her incredible acting talent and the aid of costumes, wigs, rubber masks, etc. While filming The Tracey Ullman Show for the Fox network, she changed characters so often that she once passed out in her dressing room from accidentally inhaling the chemicals used to remove her makeup.

• Kristen Bell, star of the TV series Veronica Mars, says that she once “fell madly in love” with Saturday Night Live star Amy Poehler because of her petiteness and sense of comedy. On a red carpet, she saw Ms. Poehler’s husband, actor Will Arnett, and told him, “I’m absolutely in love with your wife.” He replied, “I’m so glad you didn’t say me. That would have been awkward.”

***

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy the Paperback

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kindle

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Apple

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Barnes and Noble

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Kobo

The Funniest People in Television and Radio: 250 Anecdotes — Buy Smashwords: Many Formats, Including PDF