October 7, 2018 – davidbruceblog #2

Briefly, Jay Leno was a member of the Boy Scouts. His scoutmaster was determined to get parents involved in the organization, although many of them did not want to get involved. The scoutmaster even gave Jay’s father a bunch of merit badges and asked for help in administering tests and giving the merit badges out to the scouts. Reluctant to be involved, Jay’s father asked the scouts, “What kind of tree is that over there?” Because apples were hanging from the tree’s branches, they quickly identified the tree, and Jay’s father started handing five or six merit badges to each scout — including merit badges that had nothing to do with tree identification. When the scoutmaster saw the merit badges being wore by the scouts, he angrily started ripping them off the scouts’ uniforms. Shortly thereafter, Jay stopped being a scout.

As a teenager, future Secretary of State Madeleine Albright went on dates that were not like the typical dates of today’s American girls. Although she had moved to the United States as a girl, Ms. Albright was born in Czechoslovakia, and her father followed old-world ideas about dating. He would let Ms. Albright’s boyfriend drive her to wherever the date would happen, but he followed them in his own car and went on the date with them. After the date was over, he drove his daughter home while her boyfriend followed them in his car, then Mr. Albright invited her boyfriend in for milk and cookies. Needless to say, Ms. Albright didn’t keep boyfriends for long. (Nevertheless, she did get married and gave birth to three daughters.)

Sometimes, fathers and stepfathers turn out to be feminists because their daughters or stepdaughters want to do something other people don’t want them to do. As a teenager, Sandy Smith wanted to ride bulls in the rodeo. Many cowboys would say things such as, “Girls can’t ride bucking stock.” However, her stepfather told her, “Sandy, at your age a girl’s coordination is as good as a guy’s. Don’t take any lip from them — they’re just afraid you’re going to show them up.” Young Sandy did as she wished and rode bucking bulls in rodeos.

The father of Seattle Mariner Alex Rodriguez left his family when Alex was young, but fortunately Alex’ best friend’s father, J.D. Arteaga, Sr., watched over him. Mr. Arteaga recognized young Alex’ baseball talent when Alex was 11 years old, and he helped take good care of him, including taking him to games and buying him baseball equipment. In fact, Mr. Arteaga died of a heart attack while watching his son and Alex play 10th grade football. Mr. Rodriguez says, “He was the father I didn’t have. Everything he gave to his son, he gave to me.”

When Ruthie, the nine-year-old daughter of Quaker humorist Tom Mullen, had a bike accident that resulted in six stitches in her chin, Mr. Mullen was surprised that she didn’t cry. He was further surprised when Ruthie told the doctor, “My daddy told me once when I was hurt not to be a crybaby!” Worried that he might have taught her the wrong thing, Mr. Mullen explained that it is OK to cry when you have an accident that requires six stitches. Ruthie listened, then told her father, “It’s all right, daddy. You can cry if you want to.”

The biological father of country comedian Jerry Clower was an alcoholic who abandoned his family. Once, Mr. Clower was criticizing his father when a black woman who was doing the ironing told him, “Boy, you’d better not criticize your daddy. The Bible says to honor your father and your mother. They’re the ones that birthed you. It don’t say honor your father and your mother if they don’t drink whiskey. It just says honor your father and mother.”

When performance artist Nicky Paraiso was in his third year at New York University, he played the part of a homicidal maniac in the play Boy in the Straight-Backed Chair by Ronald Tavel. As his character killed actors on stage, he could hear his father in the audience telling people, “That’s my son! He’s the star!”

When Maria Montessori became interested in education, she wished to study a book by Edouard Séguin about disabled children. She hunted for the book in Rome, but could not find it. Finally an old, dirty, musty copy was found in New York. Before allowing her to read the book, her father disinfected it.

Comedian Rita Rudner’s father was very good at making Rita’s mother hurry when he was anxious to go somewhere. He would yell “P.C.U.,” which stood for “Pulling the Car Out.” At that point, he was ready to leave without her, and she would have to finish putting on her makeup in the car.

When Steven Spielberg was six years old, his father, Arnold, who was a scientist, woke him up late at night to see a meteor shower. This experience stayed with young Steven, and as an adult, he placed lights streaking across the sky in a scene of his movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind.

The father of professional baseball player Ernie Banks worked hard to give his son a chance to make it big. When Mr. Banks signed his first contract to play professional ball with the Chicago Cubs, he sent this telegram to his father: “WE DID IT!”

Pro basketball player Michael Jordan sometimes sticks his tongue out while playing hard on the basketball court. This is a habit he picked up from his father, who sometimes stuck out his tongue as he worked in his yard and house.

Comedian Pat Henning once toured England, then many years and a toupee later, toured England again. The toupee did its job — theater managers told him that he was much funnier than his father had been.

A.E.P. Wall of the Catholic Review once received a letter bearing the salutation, “Dear Father Wall.” He sent the letter back with this notation: “I cannot be a Father. I have three children.”

Ed Sullivan once asked vocalist Jack Jones, “Wasn’t Alan Jones your father?” Jack replied, “He still is.”

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